IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many experts are trying to identify the potential factors that cause
people
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 to
commite
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commit
crimes
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. It is argued that these
crimes
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 happen
due to
Linking Words
life
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challanges
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challenges
while
Linking Words
 others think that they happen because of individuals' nature. I believe that circumstances are the main reason behind high crime rates. On the
one
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 hand,
life
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 circumstances have a significant impact on
people
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 and it may increase the crime rate for several reasons. low income is
one
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 of
it
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them
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
,
people
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 who can not afford to have
baisc
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basic
life
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 needs might tend to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in illegal practices namely stealing. Those might be attracted to be a part of several
orginse
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organised
organise
crimes
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 that will allow them to earn money and spend it as they wish. In
addtion
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addition
, social problems
is
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are
show examples
one
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 of those reasons as well. For
eaxmple
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example
,
divorece
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divorce
 which will affect children and teenagers since
one
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 of the parents is absent might create
an emotional issues
Correct the article-noun agreement
emotional issues
an emotional issue
show examples
 that will lead those young
people
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 to
commite
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commit
commute
crimes
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 to feel better about their lives.
Also
Linking Words
, drugs can change the
life
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 of any individual.
Whereas
Linking Words
, drug addicts might lose their jobs or hurt someone without even
relising
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realising
 what they have done.
On the other hand
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, bad nature can be a reason as well. Mentally ill
people
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 or phycological
unstabel
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unstable
 humans can
also
Linking Words
 steal, hurt or even kill others
as a result
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 of
there
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their
show examples
 medical condition. There are many
exampels
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examples
 of famous criminals who
sufferd
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suffered
suffer
suffers
 from these problems.
However
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, I believe that these are rare and extreme
sitiuations
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situations
 and that the most
influanctioanl
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influential
 factor is
life
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 circumstances. In conclusion, bad
life
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sitiuations
Correct your spelling
situations
 like poverty, divorce, and drugs have a
noticable imapct
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noticeable impact
 on
people
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's lives and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might raise the crime rates in their societies.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments should ensure the welfare and
Use synonyms
life-quality
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life quality
show examples
 of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 citizens.

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language
Work on refining grammar and syntax to enhance clarity. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage.
content development
Strengthen the arguments with more relevant and specific examples to improve persuasiveness.
organization
Enhance the logical structure of arguments by clearly signaling contrastive opinions and elaborating on them.
clarity
The essay presents a clear position on the topic, supported by reasoned arguments.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are well-structured, effectively framing the discussion.
task response
Good attempt to address both views and provide a reasoned opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic circumstances
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • unemployment
  • illegal activities
  • desperation
  • social issues
  • exposure to violence
  • family structures
  • inherent
  • personality traits
  • lack of empathy
  • aggression
  • predilection for risk-taking
  • affluent backgrounds
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