IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The global demand for oil and gas is increasing. Some believe that we should therefore encourage the exploitation of remote areas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, there is
growing
Correct article usage
a growing
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 need
of
Change preposition
for
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oil
Use synonyms
 and
gas
Use synonyms
, and some individuals advocate for exploiting untouched
lands
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 to fulfill the
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 of the public. In my opinion, extracting fossil fuels, namely
gas
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 and
oil
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,
outperform
Correct subject-verb agreement
outperforms
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 its benefits. Some people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 take
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
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 with using other remote
lands
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their potential capacity
of
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for
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 fossil fuels point out that
this
Linking Words
 could raise
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
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 rate in developing countries. In fact, some countries rely heavily on
oil
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 and
gas
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 as a main source of budget.
This
Linking Words
 budget can
allocate
Wrong verb form
be allocated
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 to more pressing needs,
such
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 as
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
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 system and welfare. Ignoring
this
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 idea would avoid economic
prosper
Replace the word
prosperity
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,
thus
Linking Words
 more poverty.
For instance
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, Arabic countries are striving to set high standards for their citizens and furthering their plans mainly by selling
oil
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 barrels and
gas
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 export which has doubled the rate of jobs available,
however
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, leaving the idea of using other
lands
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 rich in
oil
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 and
gas
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 unnoticed, would bring them social and economic unrest.
Nevertheless
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, extracting
oil
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 and
gas
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of
Change preposition
from
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 other far
lands
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 would come at a terrible cost which is ecosystem imbalance.
Firstly
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, after spotting the exact place and implementing devices, governors should cut a vast number of trees. Deforestation or bare
lands
Use synonyms
 that mainly derive from economic purposes could in turn harm not only people but
also
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 contribute to weather deterioration.
Furthermore
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, home degradation of species. After exploiting the potential land, the very species of that place would run or go
extinction
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extinct
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, specifically endangered ones.
Hence
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, it could be detrimental to
animal
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the animal
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 population.
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
 seeking other
lands
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 to use widely can bring people temporary benefits, including more jobs and
larger
Add an article
a larger
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 budget for other pressing needs, it would have implications,
such
Linking Words
 as habitat loss and deforestation. Maybe policymakers should come up with novel and
environmentally-friendly
Correct your spelling
environmentally friendly
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initiates
Replace the word
initiatives
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 rather than destroying their planet.

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task achievement
The essay offers a reasonable response to the prompt but lacks depth in argumentation. Consider developing more comprehensive ideas to explore both sides of the topic fully.
task achievement
There are several grammatical errors and language inaccuracies that may affect the reader's understanding. Consider reviewing grammar rules or seeking feedback to improve clarity and precision.
coherence cohesion
While there is a clear introduction and conclusion, strengthening the logical flow between paragraphs would enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Supporting your points with more detailed examples or evidence could improve the coherence and persuasiveness of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents an opinion, which is essential for addressing the task.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, providing a clear start and finish to the essay.
task achievement
The essay attempts to present contrasting viewpoints, which is a positive aspect of task response.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • exploitation
  • economic growth
  • infrastructure
  • underdeveloped areas
  • environmental cost
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • global warming
  • renewable energy sources
  • sustainable development
  • geopolitical issues
  • resource control
What to do next:
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