IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal firness trainer, rather tha playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this ? Is this a positive or a negative development

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Today, over-reliance on vehicles and cars has made almost all of our lives absolutely sedentary, Which raised concerns about overcoming
this
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 issue .
Hence
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, an increasing number of personal trainers are getting hired to train their clients individually, and
this
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 trend has become so reliable
instead
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 of playing sports and group exercise classes.
Therefore
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, in my point of view, the reasons behind
this
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 are lack of time and the idea of looking good rather than learning a sport as a skill.
Firstly
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,
people
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 are getting to pay most of their efforts to ultimately look better in any aspect. Physical fitness is undeniably one of the features
that is
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 playing a key role considerably,
therefore
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,
people
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 get into gyms to train their muscles and shed their extra pounds to gain more confidence through their physics.
This
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 is obviously not the main idea to be athletic or to do scoring sports.
For instance
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, in my family, my father at the age of 65, started to
work
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 with a personal trainer in a gym because he heard that some specifically targeted muscles can boost collagen and make him look younger.
This
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 is inevitably relatable to why
people
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 are constantly hiring coaches and not keen on group classes anymore. Comparatively , to my vision, the young tend to spend more time on growing their businesses and finding their own path, which sensibly leads them to find a way to exercise and get results in the fastest way possible.
For instance
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, take my schedule as an example, I
work
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 in a 9-to-5 Job
besides
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 my dissertation research for my master's degree.
As a result
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,
this
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 would best
work
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 for me to
work
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 out in a schedule
that is
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 tailored only for me and all for my targeted results. in
this
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 period of my
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 I never could think of scoring better in a competition and winning some games. In conclusion, to wrap up both reasons why
people
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 go after coaches to train them individually
instead
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 of group sessions of different sports ,I believe trying to look better and lack of time are the primary reasons.

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Introduction
Develop a better introduction by clearly outlining what the essay will discuss and have a strong thesis statement that presents your main argument in a clear manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next, and use transition words effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
Conclusion
Make sure the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and restates the thesis in light of those points without introducing new ideas.
Task Achievement
Your essay clearly addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing reasons for the trend and giving your opinion on whether it is positive or negative.
Task Achievement
Well-supported examples are given, such as the personal experience of your father using a personal trainer and your own busy schedule.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure and progression of ideas, which helps the reader understand your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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