IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. what problems are caused by this issue ? what can be done to solve the situation ?

#people #countryside #cities #towns #situation
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There is no denying the fact that
students
Use synonyms
 are
roots
Wrong verb form
rooted
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is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 important things for countries.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that university
students
Use synonyms
 USE SYNONYMS admissionenlistmentrecruitmentacceptanceaccessionconscriptionengagemententranceentryinduction It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. should learn whatever they like, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument
believe
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that
students
Use synonyms
 at universities
required
Add a missing verb
are required
show examples
 only to study science and
technology
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and express my own perspectives in the end. On the one hand, children as seeds for our future so they should learn whatever they fall into
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
such
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 as learning how to be successful in playing football.
For example
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, most players these days earn a wealthy of money related to frequent games around the world,
therefore
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,
students
Use synonyms
 if they learn something they are clever to do
such
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 as how to make Arabic food style they will be famous one day and can discover more
knowledg
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about tastes and new beneficial facilities people may
would
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
fall in love.
Moreover
Linking Words
, universities often choose some skills to keep all
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 in balance because they are not the same
mental advance
Replace the word
mentally advanced
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I consider science and
technology
Use synonyms
 to have a lot of indicators around the world's can not be ignored,
such
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 as electricity cars, solar power nuclear energy and chemistry generation,
besides
Linking Words
 all of these sciences allow to environment with government movement, to be one of developing and advancement nations.
In addition
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,
technology
Use synonyms
 nowadays, can
improves
Change the verb form
improve
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 health care and find solutions to various diseases
this
Linking Words
 increases our entertainment and facilities,
for instance
Linking Words
, to keep older people around us they need to be in better hospitals to avoid any issues they may
struggles
Change the verb form
struggle
show examples
 with
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, I feel science and
technology
Use synonyms
 should have a bigger space in the universities to provide a strong and smart generation in the future.
Submitted by hassan.alhayek11 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed. The essay touches on reasons for leaving the countryside, but more depth is needed on specific problems it causes and comprehensive solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize the essay with clearer paragraphs addressing each part of the question. Improve transitions between ideas to enhance logical flow.
Task Achievement
Work on presenting clear and comprehensive ideas with development for each point. Explicit illustrations for solutions and their impacts would elevate the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a relevant introduction and conclusion, giving a sense that the response is neatly bounded.
Task Achievement
Concrete examples, such as technological advancements and skills like playing football or cooking, enhance engagement and explanation, though they need clearer linkage to the specific question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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