IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that environmental issues should be the first priority of humanity in the 21st century. To what extent do you agree with the view expressed?

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Several individuals trust that environmental
problems
Use synonyms
 should be
considerd
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considered
 the
first
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 about
humanity
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the humanity
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 of
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
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 century. I significantly disagree
about
Change preposition
with
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 the given opinion because of 2 reasons. The
first
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 reason that I entirely disagree with that topic is that pointing a lot of efforts
in
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to
show examples
 environmental
problems
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 is very inefficient and even
induced
Wrong verb form
induces
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into
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apply
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entire drawbacks of industry. If we
could
Verb problem
do
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 not recognize that basic principle, we are very
possible
Correct word choice
likely
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 to encounter some big economic
problems
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 .
For example
Linking Words
, the previous female German leader, Angalar Mercal,
adapted
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adopted
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 the policy of
eco-friend
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eco-friendly
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developments
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development
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.
As a result
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, she disturbed the operations of nuclear engines and turbines throughout the entire German countryside. It was assessed to show a new paradigm of energy harvesting at that time,
however
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,
finally
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make
Verb problem
caused
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 a tremendous energy source crisis in Germany. Like
this
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 example, other
problems
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 should occur when we just concentrate on environmental issues as the
first
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 priority of humanity. With respect to the other reason, I think it is getting much harder these days to
priortize
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prioritise
 one value like an environmental issue without checking any other values. Because of
Correct article usage
the sucessive
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sucessive
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successive
 development of many areas, many values are significantly connected to each other in the 21st century and they
are comprising
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comprise
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 one social organism. So, it is very dangerous to put something
Linking Words
first
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, especially environmental
problems
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.
For instance
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, in 2012, the Korean government revised the environmental laws. But it brought lots of chaos because many fields like Car markets, energy systems and even K-POP celebrities had to build extreme budgets that surpassed the original ones in order to meet the new criteria of
revised
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the revised
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 law.
To conclude
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, I entirely disagree
about
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with
show examples
 that topic for two
given
Verb problem
apply
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reasons. We should not just put environmental issues
first
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 and widely think about total social areas. Of course,
Environment
Correct article usage
the Environment
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 is one of the most important and essential values, but we should be much more careful about our decisions for our precious future.

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task achievement
Ensure the examples used directly support the points made.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words to improve the flow between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, clearly stating the writer's disagreement with the topic.
task achievement
The writer provides specific examples to support the points made, such as mentioning specific governmental policies.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Climate change
  • Biodiversity
  • Sustainability
  • Renewable energy
  • Carbon footprint
  • Environmental degradation
  • Ecosystem
  • Greenhouse gases
  • Global warming
  • Natural disasters
  • Pollution
  • Public health
  • Resource management
  • Sustainable practices
  • Habitat loss
  • Conservation
  • Climate action
  • Ecological balance
  • Fossil fuels
  • Deforestation
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