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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. should

#people #children #leisure #activities #waste #time
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Nowadays, a
lot
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 of people feel that
children
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's free
time
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 activities should be educational,
otherwise
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 they are just a waste of
time
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. I concur with
this
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 opinion. In
this
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 essay, I will provide some statements on the matter.
It is clear that
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children
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 have to be educated so that they have good behaviour when they face other people because it is very significant to their life.
besides
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 that,
this
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education
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 can make their brain become smart and enhance their insight.
For example
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, reading books. It is very effective to increase their knowledge because there is a
lot
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 of information that can be gotten from reading books. So, there are several advantages that can be gained if their
children
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 are provided good
education
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.
On the other hand
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, if
children
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 just spend a
lot
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 of
time
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 studying without giving freedom to their
children
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 play
games
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 and hang out with their friends, it can make their
children
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 become stressed. I am sure they will feel tired and bored if their
time
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 is just spent studying without playing.
Therefore
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, I advise you to balance between
education
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 and playing
games
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. In conclusion, giving
education
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 to their
children
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 is very essential to build their character and becoming better
as well as
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 thinking smart.
On the other hand
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, spending a
lot
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 of
time
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 studying will make their
children
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 become stressed because they need free
time
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 to play
games
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 and hang out with their friends. So, their
time
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 must balance between playing
games
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 and studying so that they do not feel bored, tired,
as well as
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 stressed.
Submitted by akbarsurya264 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, describe a situation where a balanced approach to education and leisure benefited a child.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and is directly related to your thesis statement, to improve logical structure.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is a good start.
coherence cohesion
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, adding depth to your response.
coherence cohesion
You've drawn a responsible conclusion that balances different perspectives, which helps strengthen your essay's coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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