IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions
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The two pie charts represent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 an Australian household; one displays six different types of
energy
Use synonyms
 used and the other shows the amount of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 emitted from the former graph.
Overall
Linking Words
, cooling
is consumed
Wrong verb form
consumes
show examples
 the
fewest
Correct word choice
least
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 in Australian
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
, but it produces
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 the fewest.
While
Linking Words
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
water heating is being used the second
highest
Correct word choice
most
show examples
, it creates
this
Linking Words
 dangerous
gas
Use synonyms
 the largest among all other
source
Change the wording
sources
show examples
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, heating accounted for 42% of
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 source of
energy
Use synonyms
 use in Australia, followed by water heating at just under
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 and other appliances at 30%, respectively. Refrigerators used up
energy
Use synonyms
 with only 7%,
whereas
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lighting
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
twice as much
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooling which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 4% and 2%, respectively. In regards to the amount of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 production, water heating takes up almost a third of total
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
. Other appliances
generates
Change the verb form
generate
show examples
gas
Use synonyms
 up to 28% and surpasses that of heating at 15%.
While
Linking Words
refrigerations
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigeration
show examples
 produced half of
other
Add an article
the other
show examples
 appliances at 14%, lighting and cooling emit no more than 10%.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Energy consumption
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Sustainable practices
  • Energy efficiency
  • Renewable energy
  • Fossil fuels
  • Carbon footprint
  • Eco-friendly appliances
  • Insulation
  • Solar panels
  • Recycling
  • Climate change
  • Kilowatt-hour (kWh)
  • Emissions-intensive
  • Energy audit
  • Smart meters
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