IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Every year large numbers of people migrate from one country to another for different reasons. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of migration for the individual and for society as a whole.

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Currently immigrating becoming a global problem. Every year
huge amount
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, a huge number
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 of people move from
one
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 country to another
settlement
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apply
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for various reasons.
However
Linking Words
, there are certain positive and negative sides to consider. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will elaborate
both
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on both
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 sides and give a solid conclusion. On the
one
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hand
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hand,
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 leaving your home can bring significant positive benefits.
One
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 of the primary
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 for migration is
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
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 for better economic opportunities. Many individuals move
to
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apply
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abroad
for
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to
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 search in well paid jobs.
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this
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This
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 allows them to support their families
and
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, and
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 it can make them
to be
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apply
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more financially stable.
In
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addition
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addition,
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 migrants often gain access to
higher quality
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higher-quality
 education. Even living in
foreign
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a foreign
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 country
also
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 creates a chance to improve their cultures and personal development
which
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, which
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is
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apply
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broadens their worldview.
On the other
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hand
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hand,
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 as everything that has certain
advantages
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advantages,
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 there are
also
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 several disadvantages to consider. First and foremost reason is cultural shock
for
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, as
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 individuals can find it difficult to adapt
unfamiliar
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to unfamiliar
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 environments,
such
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 as cultures and traditions.
Secondly
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 language barrier is
one
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 of the most challenging
part
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parts
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 of moving. So, it can complicate the process of making communication and immigration.
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as
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As
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 a result, individuals may struggle to perform effectively in their jobs.
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Moreover
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Moreover,
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 most people experience homesickness, which can have a negative impact
in
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on
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 their mental
.
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health.
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in
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In
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conclusion
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conclusion,
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although
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 migration offers plausible reasons
such
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 as improved earnings
,
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and
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 cultural enrichment, it
also
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 brings challenges to
adaption
Correct your spelling
adaptation
 and mental health.
However
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, governments should
attract
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adopt
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 different policies to reduce
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 negative effects.

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task response
Answer all parts more fully. You talk more about the person, but less about society as a whole.
task response
Give one clear example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Make your ideas more clear. Some lines are hard to follow because of grammar and word form mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way: First, Also, However, As a result, In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with a short reason or example before you move to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic two-side structure, which fits the topic.
task response
You mention both good and bad sides of migration.
task response
You include some key ideas like jobs, study, culture, language, and homesickness.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Migrate
  • Immigrant
  • Emigrant
  • Integration
  • Multiculturalism
  • Expatriate
  • Asylum seeker
  • Diaspora
  • Naturalization
  • Work permit
  • Visa
  • Residence
  • Citizenship
  • Deportation
  • Brain drain
  • Demographic
  • Xenophobia
  • Cultural shock
  • Social network
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