IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A lot of people have become dependent on technology as it plays a big role in our daily lives. Do you agree that living in computer age has more advantages than disadvantages? Describe the positive and negative impacts of technology on our lives and give your opinion?

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In
this
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 contemporary era,
technology
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 is progressing at an exponential rate, and it is an irrefutable fact that the vast majority of people are dependent on
technology
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 as it has become an integral part of our lives. I strongly believe that the advantages of
technology
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 outweigh the disadvantages. To
initiate
Verb problem
begin
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 with,
technology
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 has numerous benefits in each and every field. The predominant
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 ease and speed of communication. To elaborate, talking to any
person
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 around the globe has become easier
due to
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 the introduction of mobile phones, digital platforms and the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. To cite an example, a
person
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 moving away from his parents and loved ones could stay connected via
zoom
Capitalize word
Zoom
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 or
whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
Whatsapp
 call
unlike
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, unlike
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earlier
Change preposition
in earlier
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 days
where
Correct word choice
when
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 a
person
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 had to wait for at least a month to receive a letter by post.
Furthermore
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, owing to the advancement of
technology
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, an individual has access to an increasing amount of information available on the internet. To clarify, a
person
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 willing to acquire new skills
such
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 as learning a new language is much easier
due to
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 the large number of educational resources and platforms available.
For instance
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, an individual who does not want to pay an expensive fee to get a tutor or commute miles to get to the educational institute can simply access
Youtube
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YouTube
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 to learn any new skill.
Thus
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, it can be said that our lives are majorly influenced by
technology
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.
On the contrary
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, “every rose has its thorns”
likewise
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 it
also
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 has some demerits. The major drawback of the
technology
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 is
reduction
Add an article
a reduction
the reduction
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 in face-to-face interaction which can impact the physical and psychological health of a
person
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. To illustrate, several people who spend the majority of their time on electronic devices affect their
eye-sight
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eyesight
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due to
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 an increased amount of screen time
along with
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 that people lose their social skills which results in social anxiety.
Hence
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,
this
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 example makes it noticeable about its negative aspects. To summarise, though
technology
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 has its downside of affecting the health of a
person
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, there are plenty of benefits, namely instant methods of connecting to each other, and growing data on the web. So, I completely agree that the
positives
Change the noun form
positive
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 consequences of
technology
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outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
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 the negatives.

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task achievement
Provide a more balanced view by giving equal attention to both positive and negative aspects of technology.
coherence cohesion
Use more transition words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Elaborate more on the psychological impacts mentioned for a more comprehensive coverage.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the topic and supports the view that technology has more advantages.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-written, providing a clear starting and ending to the essay.
task achievement
Good use of examples like Zoom and YouTube to illustrate points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dependent on technology
  • digital platforms
  • instant communication
  • automation
  • advanced software solutions
  • access to information
  • educational resources
  • screen time
  • health issues
  • eye strain
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • privacy concerns
  • cybersecurity threats
  • identity theft
  • data breaches
  • overreliance
  • face-to-face social interactions
  • social skills
  • isolation
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