IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The best way to measure someone's success is to look at how much money that person has. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's
fast developing
Add a hyphen
fast-developing
show examples
 world
success
Use synonyms
 and money
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 in
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, but I disagree with the following statement. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
success
Use synonyms
 should not be defined by wealth, as it ignores other essential aspects of human achievement and contribution. Two key reasons for
this
Linking Words
 are the importance of personal development and the impact a person has on others.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of personal development can not be overwhelmed, because it constantly reflects on flexibility and adaptation in random
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. Any of
qualities
Correct article usage
the qualities
show examples
 is formed by decisions. And life is about which decisions you
picking
Wrong verb form
pick
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 it goes. The number of developed aspects in your character can say a lot of things to
overs
Correct your spelling
others
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, my uncle Andrew works as a teacher who helps students achieve their potential or an artist who creates meaningful work can feel fulfilled and proud.
This
Linking Words
 shows that financial wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
success
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 be measured by the positive impact someone has on their community or society. Many people who contribute to the well-being of others,
such
Linking Words
 as volunteers, social workers, or scientists, might not earn large salaries but are still considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
successful
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Mahatma Gandhi lived a simple life but made
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 huge impact on the world. His
success
Use synonyms
 was not measured by his money but by his influence. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 wealth can be one measure of
success
Use synonyms
, it is not the only or even the best indicator. Personal development and the ability to make a positive difference in the lives of others are certainly more important. True
success
Use synonyms
 lies in living a meaningful life, achieving personal goals, and making a difference in the world, which cannot always be measured in dollar currency.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While your introduction clearly presents your stance, ensure each paragraph succinctly opens with a topic sentence that guides the reader. Aim for more focused topic sentences to improve clarity.
task achievement
Try to expand the essay with more specific examples that go beyond the personal level to include broader societal examples.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively sums up your points and reinforces your position, which solidifies the cohesiveness of your essay.
task achievement
You successfully argue a perspective that considers varying facets of success outside of monetary value, which showcases depth in understanding the task.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: