IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar; which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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These days, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 high levels of
sugar
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 in many manufactured food and drink
products
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.
This
Linking Words
 trend will lead to many
health
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 problems. Some companies start improving the
price
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 of
products
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 to decrease the willingness to buy these
products
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. In my opinion, I agree with
this
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 point. I believe that it is one of the most important ways to help
people
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 control
sugar
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. On the one hand, eating too much
sugar
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 will cause all kinds of
health
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 problems. As far as we all,
health
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 problems caused by eating foods high in
sugar
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 are popular and common all over the world.it is because high levels of
sugar
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products
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 are harmful to our body's
health
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 and
health
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, and both of them are important for everyone.
People
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 should pay more attention to it, meanwhile, they have to find some methods to solve it.Supermarkets increase the
price
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 of these
products
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, which is a good action to help
people
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 consume less
sugar
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, and buy some healthy food in their daily life.
In addition
Linking Words
, through increasing the
price
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 of high levels of
sugar
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,
people
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 will prefer to buy low-
sugar
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 and
sugar
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-substitute
products
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. low
sugar
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 and
sugar
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 -
substiute
Correct your spelling
substitute
products
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 will become more popular in the future, It is
also
Linking Words
 a wonderful way to promote the development of low
sugar
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 and
sugar
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 substitute
products
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. Companies will create more and more healthy food and
products
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 for customers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 support
people
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 will become addicted to eating
sugar
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 and substitute
products
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, which will
also
Linking Words
 impact our body's
health
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.
However
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the advice of scientists,
people
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 should eat some
products
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 which contain sugars to maintain nutritional balance. In conclusion, increasing the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 is a necessary and effective measure to reduce
people
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's consumption of foods high in
sugar
Use synonyms
, thereby improving public
health
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples and explanations to support your ideas more effectively. For instance, you could mention specific health problems caused by high sugar consumption to bolster your argument.
coherence
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured and that each one has a clear main idea. Use linking words and phrases to help the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated that you agree with the idea of increasing prices on sugary products, which is a great start to your essay.
coherence
You addressed both sides of the argument by mentioning counterpoints, which adds depth to your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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