IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This has negative effects on family and society. To what extend you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Well, actually I agree, that traditional
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
lowers
Correct your spelling
lower
show examples
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
each year since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international
fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
have
Verb problem
was
show examples
 created. There are about 75
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of human
prifare
Correct your spelling
private
 eat
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast food,
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 harmful or healthy,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 there are
singnificance
Correct your spelling
significant
significance
, people may not cook a meal
hours
Change preposition
for hours
show examples
 at all, plus it is easy to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tiny
cafees
Correct your spelling
cafes
 proximity
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their own home, to have some snack, but in my opinion, it is the choice of the person, because the feeling of eating your best and
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 food is some kind of pleasure, and it can relax you as well
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 after
all
Add the comma(s)
all,
show examples
 day being stressed,
that
Linking Words
is feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
 like
drug
Add an article
a drug
show examples
, the difference
this
Linking Words
 is just formal and allowed by the governments,
also
Linking Words
 in the law. The human can eat whatever they want, but it should be in
normal
Add an article
the normal
a normal
show examples
 way, not more than enough. So I think, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 must let them sell and continue their progress, because the harmful item would be if
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 was hungry, and it would probably will effectively
negatively
Change the word
negative
show examples
 effect. They can, not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
worry about
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of that, all people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
defirent
Correct your spelling
different
, they
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 their own choice it depends on them, because if they want to hurt
theirself
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
like
Change preposition
by
show examples
 eating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad food, they can, without eating
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside,
instead
Linking Words
 they may
prepere
Correct your spelling
prepare
 in
home
Add an article
the home
a home
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it difficult to identify your main argument and final position. Consider adding a brief introduction that clearly states your viewpoint and concludes with a summary of your arguments.
logical structure
There is a need to improve the logical flow of the essay. Try organizing your points in paragraphs and use linking phrases to create a more cohesive argument.
supported main points
Ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea that is clearly supported by examples or explanations. Currently, the main points are not well-developed.
clear comprehensive ideas
The response could be more comprehensive. Try to consider the positive and negative aspects, and provide a balanced argument.
relevant specific examples
Include specific examples to support your points. Currently, your essay lacks relevant examples that could strengthen your argument.
complete response
Make sure your ideas are completely addressing the question. Currently, there is a lack of focus on the specific negative effects on family and society, as asked in the question.
clear comprehensive ideas
You've expressed your personal opinions clearly and included reasonings, which is good for showcasing your individual perspective.
task achievement
The essay contains elements of argumentation regarding personal choice, which shows an engagement with the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: