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Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that schools are no longer necessary because an acquire information on internet. Do you agree or disagree with the given statement? What are the disadvantages of acquire information on internet?

We are living in an advanced technological globe so we enjoy the
convenice
Correct your spelling
convenience
 that technology brings to us.
People
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 absorb
information
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 or data on
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 effortlessly by typing a few
key words
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keywords
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
people
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 can find anything they want online easily.
Thus
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, some
people
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 claim that education
instituition
Correct your spelling
institution
institutions
 is not necessary anymore because of the
accessible
Replace the word
accessibility
show examples
 of knowledge
acquiry
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acquired
acquire
 on
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, in my reckoning, schooling is compulsory for
students
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 to learn not only
knoweldge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 but
also
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social skills. First and foremost,
schools
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 value
students
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' whole-rounded development rather
academic-oriented
Correct word choice
than academic-oriented
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 only.
School
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The school
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 provides a positive peer cooperative environment for
students
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 to work on the same goal together.
For instance
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,
students
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 have to cooperate to finish a project and submit
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
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 teachers before the deadline.
Students
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 practise to communicate, brainstorm and discuss the topics of the projects which can
learn
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teach them
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 the essential skills to socialize with peers.
Besides
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,
schools
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also
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 cultivate
students
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' good traits of personalities.
Schools
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 emphasize the importance of empathy, perseverance, politeness and bravery, and
hence
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delievr
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deliver
the
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apply
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moral education lessons or talks to nurture
students
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 regularly. There is no doubt that
students
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is
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are
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 our future, we
are expecting
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expect
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 the future elite
is
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to be
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 knowledgeable and
having
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have
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 desirable qualities that
worth
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are worth
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people
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 to emulate.
Therefore
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,
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
instituition
Correct your spelling
institution
institutions
 still play a vital role in educating
people
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 and
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 will not obsolete
schools
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 definitely.
While
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 it is true to say that the
internet
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 is useful for
people
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 to search
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information
Change preposition
for information
show examples
, in fact, there are cons
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 acquiring
information
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 online. One of the downsides of absorbing
information
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 online would be the exposure to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
untrue
information
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.
Firstly
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, everyone has the accessibility to modify
statement
Fix the agreement mistake
statements
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some of the
webpages
Correct your spelling
web pages
show examples
. Taking the popular website "
wikipedia
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Wikipedia
show examples
" as an example,
this
Linking Words
 website allows everyone to edit the content of the page.
Consequently
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,
people
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 may believe in the
fales evdience
Correct your spelling
false evidence
 or proof of the content posted online
lead
Replace the word
leading
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 to inaccurate
information
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 distribution and
mislead
Wrong verb form
misleading
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people
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
To conclude
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, I hold a strong belief that
schools
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 are still crucial
among
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
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 to learn social-life skills and establish
favourable
Correct article usage
a favourable
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 character.
Nevertheless
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, the digital platform can assist teachers in the way of analyzing and selecting suitable teaching materials via
Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that your ideas are more explicitly connected and flow seamlessly from one to the next, as some transitions between ideas are a bit abrupt.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to enhance your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure to address all parts of the prompt equally, giving clear viewpoints with supporting evidence.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your arguments and thoughts.
task achievement
You address the task prompt thoroughly, covering benefits of schooling and drawbacks of internet-based learning.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Information overload
  • Misinformation
  • Structured learning
  • Qualified educators
  • Social interaction
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Teamwork abilities
  • Tailored curriculum
  • Digital divide
  • Critical thinking
  • Research skills
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