IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that the government should support artists like musicians, painters, and poets, while others argue that this is a misuse of funds. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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There is
on going
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ongoing
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 debate between some individuals
Change preposition
about weather
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weather
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whether
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should financially
support
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artists
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such
Linking Words
 as musicians, painters and poets
meanwhile
Capitalize word
Meanwhile
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, others believe that it could be better spent on other areas.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and explain why I think both views have merit. On the
on
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one
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 hand some people argue that
artists
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 contribute
a
Correct article usage
apply
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significantly to a country's global reputation and tourism .
For
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example
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example,
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 in my
country
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country,
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 famous people
sach
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such
 as
artists
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 and painters
attracts
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attract
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 international visitors who
came
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come
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 to experience
the
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their
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 work in galleries and concerts .
This
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 condition generates income for the economy and provides employment.
Additionaly
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Additionally
Additional
 government
support
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 can help young and struggling
artists
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 to develop their skills and have a success in competitive field. Without allocating
budget
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budgets
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 to young
artists
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 from
lower
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the lower
a lower
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 class population , many talented individuals may not have a recourse to
rich
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reach
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 their goals . On
other
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the other
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 hand,
according to
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critics
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critics,
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 the
governments
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government's
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 budget should be directed towards basic services
such
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 as healthcare , education and infrastructure .
For instance
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 in my country
still
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still,
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 there are schools without regular
recourses
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resources
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 or hospitals understaffed. Supporting
financialy
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financially
Linking Words
this areas
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this area
these areas
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 could improve
life
Add an article
the life
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 quality of
population
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the population
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. They argue that
are
Correct your spelling
art
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 of art is not
necessity
Correct article usage
a necessity
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 and artist can find their own
founding
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funding
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 or look for another profit point to
support
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 their work . All in
all
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all,
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 in
this
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 essay I discussed both views in detail and
explain
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explained
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 why I believe that supporting art is important for cultural and economic reasons.
However
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,
this
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support
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 should be carefully planned to make the greatest impact without neglecting other priorities

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language
Pay attention to spelling errors and typos, such as 'on going' should be 'ongoing'. Also, 'sach' should be 'such', and 'recourses' should be 'resources'.
coherence
Use linking words to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve readability and coherence.
introduction
The introduction could be more engaging by stating the importance of the topic before presenting the contrasting views.
structure
Each paragraph should clearly focus on a single point. For example, the paragraph about the benefits of supporting artists could be split to separately discuss economic benefits and individual growth.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a balanced view before giving the writer's opinion.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and restates your opinion, emphasizing the importance of supporting the arts while recognizing other priorities.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • cultural diversity
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • trickle-down effect
  • national pride
  • artistic independence
  • government funding
  • taxpayer burden
  • compromise integrity
What to do next:
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