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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, some school leavers choose to work or travel for a year between finishing secondary school and attending university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and then give your opinion.

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Time is very crucial in the life of students and many
of
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apply
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high
school
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 graduates might take a
year
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 break to work or travel before going to
university
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. Despite that there are some disadvantages
for
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to
show examples
this
Linking Words
, I believe that the advantages are greater. On
one
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 hand, having
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one
Correct determiner usage
a
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Use synonyms
year
Correct your spelling
one-year
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 break between secondary
school
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 and
university
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 has many benefits. Graduates can use
this
Linking Words
 time to work and learn more about their future career passion by working in various job sectors.
As a result
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,
this
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 will help them to choose the best
university
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 program
according to
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 their needs.
Also
Linking Words
, by working for a
year
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 they will save more money for the
university
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's tuition fees.
One
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year
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 might be a relaxing break after the challenges that students face during high
school
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some disadvantages of leaving
school
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 for a
year
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 as well.
For example
Linking Words
, those leavers might lose their interest and become less eager to go back to
university
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 which will affect their education and future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
one
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year
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 the requirements of undergraduate programs at universities might change to be more complicated than before and it might make their admission process harder. Take the language requirement as an example, in 2019 at King Khalid
University
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 it used to be 6 in
IELTS
Correct article usage
the IELTS
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 exam and now in
2024
Add a comma
2024,
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 it is 7. In conclusion, I think that taking a
Use synonyms
year
Change noun form
year's
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 break after completing secondary
school
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 can help students to decide
their
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on their
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 education plan and save for tuition fees.
However
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 has some consequences like losing the passion to study or lowering the acceptance chances.

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coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Develop the examples with more details to clearly illustrate the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains clear paragraphs with an introduction, body, and conclusion, maintaining a good overall structure.
task achievement
You provide specific examples to support your arguments, such as referring to the IELTS requirement changes at King Khalid University.
task achievement
The essay offers a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages before presenting a well-reasoned conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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