It is good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on it .discuss the advantages and disadvantages .explan your choice.

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Using computers from an early age and spending long hours on
it
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them
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have more disadvantages than advantages for
children
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. I know, many parents worry
about
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that
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
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cannot accept a lot of information without the
computer
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,
however
Linking Words
, I can tell
about
Correct pronoun usage
you about
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several dangers of the
computer
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for
younger
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the younger
a younger
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generation.
First,
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if
children
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begin
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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electronic materials like computers, they could
get
Verb problem
have
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negative
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a negative
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effect on their mental and physical aspects.
For example
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, one of my
cousin
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cousins
show examples
who
experieced
Correct your spelling
experienced
the
computer
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at his 5-year old
,
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apply
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easily got
anger
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angry
show examples
and
cannot
Wrong verb form
could not
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concentrate on serious subjects. It's because
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
his parents couldn't keep
thier
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their
eyes on their
son
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all the time
while
Linking Words
their boy did something with his
computer
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, especially the violent games.
Also
Linking Words
, he liked playing
computer
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games more than outdoor activities, he got weight seriously.
Second,
Linking Words
children
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are difficult to control
by
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apply
show examples
themselves, so they can easily
addict
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
Use synonyms
computer
Change preposition
to computer
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games.
Along
Linking Words
with
Correct pronoun usage
with this
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,
amount
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the amount
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time
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of time
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using
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
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will be getting longer and longer. For
instant
Add an article
an instant
show examples
, I had heard my
collegue
Correct your spelling
colleague
regreted
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regretted
regret
that she gave her
son
Use synonyms
a
computer
Use synonyms
for his 5th birthday present. She is
working
Correct article usage
a working
show examples
mom like me,
therefore
Linking Words
she couldn't
moniter
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monitor
her
son
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all day. Though the purpose of
gift
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the gift
show examples
for her
son
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was
introducing
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to introduce
show examples
AI technology, her
son
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spent his intervals on
computer
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game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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. In conclusion, if parents can not watch their kiddos all day, do not give young sweeties the computers, until they can control their
mind
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minds
show examples
. As early as
children
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get the
computer
Use synonyms
, they can
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
precious body and mind.
Submitted by roastedpistachio on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the advantages of using computers from an early age to provide a more balanced discussion.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence.
general
Be mindful of grammar and spelling mistakes, as they can affect clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, which states the writer's position.
task achievement
The writer provides relevant examples based on personal observations.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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