Some people think that globalization is a force for good, promoting cultural exchange and economic development, while others believe it erodes national identity and widens economic inequality.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Several
people
Use synonyms
believe
globaization
Correct your spelling
globalisation
has many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
aspects involving economic growth and
culture
Use synonyms
that help enhance both sectors.
While
Linking Words
other argues that it threatens national identity and triggers economic disparities. In my perspective, I will explain both of them from my own viewpoint. On the one hand, in
this
Linking Words
modern era, some
people
Use synonyms
tend to think that
globalization
Use synonyms
has a positive impact on facilitating economic development and
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
exchange.
Globalization
Use synonyms
brings many chances to increase our quality of life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because through
globalization
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
can distinguish between traditions, languages, and cuisines. To illustrate, international
film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
show examples
nowadays
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
much created
Add a hyphen
much-created
show examples
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
on different world cultures, as we can see in ‘Exhuma’ which is based on the story of the Korean War with Japan.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
argue that
globalization
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
negatively
impacts
Change the verb form
impacted
show examples
the
culture
Use synonyms
and local economy of our
country
Use synonyms
. When other products enter
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
country
Use synonyms
, they risk that
dominanting
Correct your spelling
dominating
dominant
, leading to the loss of our local product.
For instance
Linking Words
, recently some products from China have significantly dominated Indonesian trade.
This
Linking Words
has influenced the local economy of our
country
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, the government has a pivotal role in balancing
this
Linking Words
. Through programmes to create job opportunities, protect local
culture
Use synonyms
, and enhance human resources, since the youth generation is growing in our
country
Use synonyms
, we must educate all students, even in elementary school. In a nutshell,
globalization
Use synonyms
has
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
on how it is managed and the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
country
Use synonyms
has human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
. To mitigate
this
Linking Words
impact,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
have to contribute equally by implementing policies to protect local trade, preserve
indigenous
Capitalize word
Indigenous
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
culture
Use synonyms
, and create the best program to protect
indonesian
Change the capitalization
Indonesian
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
practice
Fix the agreement mistake
practices
show examples
in
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
economy.
Submitted by studyabroad639 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to enhance coherence by structuring paragraphs more systematically. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, providing a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
Support your points with more detailed and specific examples to provide greater depth to your essay. This will also strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Revise your introduction to clearly set the context of globalization and its impacts, briefly mentioning key arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states both sides of the argument regarding globalization, providing a clear road map for the essay.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and offers a thoughtful perspective on the government's role, reinforcing the main argument.
task achievement
The essay presents balanced views on both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic's complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: