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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below presented the percentage of global market share of notebook computer sales for manufactures between 2006 and 2007

The table below presented the percentage of global market share of notebook computer sales for manufactures between 2006 and 2007
#percentage #market #notebook #computer #sales
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The table below
presented
Wrong verb form
presents
show examples
 the percentage of
global
Correct article usage
the global
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 market share of notebook computer
sales
Use synonyms
 for
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
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 between 2006 and 2007
Overall
Linking Words
, HP company
hold
Wrong verb form
held
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 the largest part of
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
 share
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Fujitsu-Siemens shared the smallest proportion in both years. and the other unnamed companies slightly decreased their
sales
Use synonyms
.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the beginning, most
user
Change to a plural noun
users
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 chose HP's electronics accounting for 31.4 per cent and 34 per cent in 2006 and 2007 respectively. It was clear that Fujitsu-Siemens's
sales
Use synonyms
 significantly dropped 2 times
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the first selling in 2006. Dell increased
thier
Correct your spelling
their
sales
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
by
show examples
 3.4
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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as well as
Linking Words
 Toshiba rose
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 market share
accouting
Correct your spelling
accounting
 for 7.3 per cent in 2007.
However
Linking Words
, Lenovo and Acer factories'
sales
Use synonyms
 slightly decreased in 2007.
Submitted by amittawin on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "presented" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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