IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the increase in international travel has a negative impact on the environment and should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Recently, the issue of environmental conservation has become the subject of heated debate. Some people assert that individuals prioritize environmental preservation,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 argue
otherwise
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. Personally,
although
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 both views should be given equal weight, I
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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agree with the former stand. In the following essay, the evidence supporting
this
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 contention will be discussed before a conclusion is reached with my opinion. On the one hand, those who claim that
travel
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 abroad has many advantages. The most convincing reason is that people can improve
communication
Correct pronoun usage
their communication
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 skills and broaden
perspectives
Correct pronoun usage
their perspectives
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.
Moreover
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, they obtain various experiences, leading to
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an understand
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understand
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understanding
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other
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of other
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culture
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cultures
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 and
tradition
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traditions
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.
For instance
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,
On the other hand
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, I believe that rising in
travel
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 overseas has contributed to the environment
such
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 as air pollution, global warming and climate change. The most compelling reason is that the number of airplanes
depend
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depends
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 on the amounts of trips, leading
polluted
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to polluted
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 air.
Furthermore
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,
airplanes
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aeroplanes
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 use fossil fuels, increasing temperature. Another drawback is that the
developments
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development
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 of
tourism
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tourist
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site
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sites
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 is likely to cause environmental challenges.
As a result
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, it leads to
loss
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the loss
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 of livelihoods of different animals and residents.
Therefore
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, the government should impose a strict restriction on
the
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apply
show examples
travel
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 abroad to preserve
environment
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the environment
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. In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are a variety of opinions about
this
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 topic.
However
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, after considering
this
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 matter in a careful manner, each side of the debate has its strengths, as discussed above.
Nevertheless
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, I support that increasing international
travel
Use synonyms
 has a negative impact on the environment and should be restricted.

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task response
Although the introduction is clear, make sure each body paragraph fully develops an idea with specific examples and detailed arguments. For instance, the first body paragraph lacks a completed example. Consider connecting points more clearly to your thesis.
task response
Work on providing more specific examples to support your claims. This will not only strengthen your argument but fulfill the task requirements more completely.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical structure by ensuring that your points are well linked and flow smoothly from one to another. In particular, make sure your examples reinforce the point you are making in each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all main points introduced are fully developed, offering more depth and explanation. Each section should aim to explore implications or larger insights.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing both sides of the argument effectively. This helps to provide a solid framework for your points.
task response
You address multiple perspectives in response to the essay question, acknowledging the complexity of the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon footprint
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • sustainable travel
  • eco-friendly
  • carbon emissions
  • habitat destruction
  • cultural dilution
  • overcrowding
  • resource depletion
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • tourism ethics
  • green initiatives
  • conservation efforts
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