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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
#visits #two #music #sites #web
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The pictograph demonstrates data about changes
of
Change preposition
in
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Use synonyms
number
Add an article
the number
a number
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 of attendance
in
Change preposition
at
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music
Use synonyms
 sites on the web during the 15 days
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of
visitors
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 to both musical websites fluctuated throughout the period, with
Pop
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Parade
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initially
Linking Words
 attracting more
visitors
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 than
Music
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Choice
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. Despite these differences, both websites experienced
overall
Linking Words
 growth in their popularity. At the beginning of the period,
Pop
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Parade
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 received significantly more
visitors
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 than
Music
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Choice
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. On the first
day
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,
Pop
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Parade
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 recorded around
almost
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apply
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120,000
visits
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, compared to approximately 40,000 attendance for
Music
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Choice
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.
However
Linking Words
,
Pop
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Parade
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 experienced a steady decline in the
number
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 of
visits
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 during the first week, dropping to about 40,000 by the 7th
day
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.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
Music
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Choice
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 underwent some fluctuations but remained stable during
this
Linking Words
 time, declining from 40,000 to 20,000 attendance. From
day
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 8 onwards, the trend shifted. There were some fluctuations followed by a remarkable rise in
visits
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 to
Music
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Choice
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 between the 7th and 12th days, reaching a peak at nearly 160,000
visits
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.
Although
Linking Words
 it experienced a slight drop to approximately 70,000
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 peak, it remained higher than its initial
number
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 for the rest of the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Pop
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Parade
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 rebounded and showed steady growth to around 150,000 on the 11th
day
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. But
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
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, the
number
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 of
visitors
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 to
Music
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Choice
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 surpassed
Pop
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Parade
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, with a difference of 40,000
visitors
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 for 2 days. In consequence, rates for
Pop
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Parade
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 remained constant at approximately 80,000 before reaching a peak of roughly 170,000.
Submitted by Magzhan on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, music, visitors, pop, parade, choice, day, visits with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Comparison
  • Number of visits
  • Trends
  • Period
  • Increases
  • Decreases
  • Stability
  • Factors
  • Influenced
  • Marketing strategies
  • User interface
  • Variety of music
  • Peak times
  • Reasons
  • Promotional events
  • Long-term sustainability
  • Growth prospects
  • Graph
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