The values that we learn from our parents and family have a greater influence on our future success than the knowledge and skills we learn at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There has been a debate among different sections of
the
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apply

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society about the
values
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instilled by parents’ greater impact on our future achievements as compared to
knowledge
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the knowledge

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and skills
are
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gained in schools. I totally favour
this
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view as familial
values
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not only shape personal ethics and drive but
also
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helpful
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help

The word helpful doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to achieve future goals, in comparison to formal education. The main reason behind
this
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thought is that
family
Correct article usage
the family

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unit plays a significant role
to build
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in building

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individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s

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nature and character from an early age.
This
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means
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma between the verb and object in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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children learn moral integrity, and perseverance through family interactions
,
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while
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following parents doing
household
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work or helping each other in daily routine tasks. These observations often lighten up the
values
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among children which are always essential for their career paths.
For example
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,
a
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apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun teamwork in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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teamwork which is
the
Correct article usage
a

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fundamental skill
need
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needed

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for every business often
instill
Wrong verb form
instilled

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from
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in

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family members by observing their collaborative nature
while
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

doing
household
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chores.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, familial
values
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provide a framework for emotional and social intelligence, which is important to drive personal and professional success.
For instance
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, empathy and respect often come from
household
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

education which are vital for effective leadership
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles

It seems that role may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Thus
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, a person learns these skills in-depth from their parents
where
Correct word choice
whereas

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schools offer seldom
contribution
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contributions

It seems that contribution may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to
build
Change the verb form
building

The verb build may be in the wrong form after the preposition to. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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the basics of these
values
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.
Moreover
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun support in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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family support encourages risk-taking
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma in a compound object. Consider removing it.

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and innovation and
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

support
provide
Change the verb form
provides

The plural verb provide does not appear to agree with the singular subject this support. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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net safety in the form of mental aid where individuals seek career opportunities and
get
Verb problem
apply

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succeed under the shadow of
the
Change the word
their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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parents without any fear. In conclusion, I totally agree that family and parents’ ethics and moral
values
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

influence individuals’ future achievements on
greater
Add an article
a greater

The noun phrase greater level seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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level than schools.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is because,
household
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

values
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

shape our character,
life-skills
Correct your spelling
skills

The word life-skills doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, and contribute to societal well-being
where
Correct word choice
whereas

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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formal education lacks in these areas.

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay directly answers all parts of the question. While the essay discusses the influence of familial values and school education, offer a more balanced argument acknowledging the importance of both aspects.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence by maintaining a consistent flow of ideas. Try to link paragraphs more effectively to better guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides clear reasons supporting the importance of familial values over school education, which strengthens the argument.
task achievement
You managed to include relevant examples, such as teamwork instilled through family interactions, which support your points well.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • future success
  • family values
  • knowledge and skills
  • shape
  • beliefs
  • behavior
  • emotional support
  • encouragement
  • academic education
  • discipline
  • time management
  • contribute to
  • extent
  • agree
  • disagree
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