The values that we learn from our parents and family have a greater influence on our future success than the knowledge and skills we learn at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There has been a debate among different sections of
the
society about the Correct article usage
apply
values
instilled by parents’ greater impact on our future achievements as compared to Use synonyms
knowledge
and skills Add an article
the knowledge
are
gained in schools. I totally favour Unnecessary verb
apply
this
view as familial Linking Words
values
not only shape personal ethics and drive but Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
helpful
to achieve future goals, in comparison to formal education.
The main reason behind Replace the word
help
this
thought is that Linking Words
family
unit plays a significant role Correct article usage
the family
to build
Change preposition
in building
individual’s
nature and character from an early age. Correct article usage
an individual’s
This
meansLinking Words
,
children learn moral integrity, and perseverance through family interactionsRemove the comma
apply
,
Remove the comma
apply
while
following parents doing Linking Words
household
work or helping each other in daily routine tasks. These observations often lighten up the Use synonyms
values
among children which are always essential for their career paths. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
a
teamwork which is Remove the article
apply
the
fundamental skill Correct article usage
a
need
for every business often Replace the word
needed
instill
Wrong verb form
instilled
from
family members by observing their collaborative nature Change preposition
in
while
doing Linking Words
household
chores.
Use synonyms
Furthermore
, familial Linking Words
values
provide a framework for emotional and social intelligence, which is important to drive personal and professional success. Use synonyms
For instance
, empathy and respect often come from Linking Words
household
education which are vital for effective leadership Use synonyms
role
. Fix the agreement mistake
roles
Thus
, a person learns these skills in-depth from their parents Linking Words
where
schools offer seldom Correct word choice
whereas
contribution
to Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
build
the basics of these Change the verb form
building
values
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, Linking Words
a
family support encourages risk-takingRemove the article
apply
,
and innovation and Remove the comma
apply
this
support Linking Words
provide
net safety in the form of mental aid where individuals seek career opportunities and Change the verb form
provides
get
succeed under the shadow of Verb problem
apply
the
parents without any fear.
In conclusion, I totally agree that family and parents’ ethics and moral Change the word
their
values
influence individuals’ future achievements on Use synonyms
greater
level than schools. Add an article
a greater
This
is because, Linking Words
household
Use synonyms
values
shape our character, Use synonyms
life-skills
, and contribute to societal well-being Correct your spelling
skills
where
formal education lacks in these areas.Correct word choice
whereas
Submitted by amanharjeetbinner923 on
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task achievement
Ensure that the essay directly answers all parts of the question. While the essay discusses the influence of familial values and school education, offer a more balanced argument acknowledging the importance of both aspects.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence by maintaining a consistent flow of ideas. Try to link paragraphs more effectively to better guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides clear reasons supporting the importance of familial values over school education, which strengthens the argument.
task achievement
You managed to include relevant examples, such as teamwork instilled through family interactions, which support your points well.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.