IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some high school students work part-time in addition to going to school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of high school students having part-time jobs? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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The discussion of working
irregular
Change the word
irregularly
show examples
 for
students
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 just learning full-time at
school
Use synonyms
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 interesting to follow.
While
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 only focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their academic lessons in
school
Use synonyms
 thoroughly, having other activities
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 only studying at
school
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as occupying
part-time
Correct article usage
a part-time
show examples
 job could enrich their responsibility and mentality for their future, which, in my opinion, far outweighs any possible disadvantage of working part-time. on the one hand,
students
Use synonyms
 who only have
commitment
Correct article usage
a commitment
show examples
 to learn could remain steady
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their lessons at
school
Use synonyms
 without a distraction.
For instance
Linking Words
, studying
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 could make their schedule more tidy. They would know how to prepare as their purpose to get the best grade in
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it would be bad if they
don't
Wrong verb form
didn't
show examples
 know
real
Correct pronoun usage
what real
show examples
 life is.
Conversely
Linking Words
, working part-time could explore the lessons of social interaction in real life that
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 don't have.
For example
Linking Words
, when
students
Use synonyms
 get a job as
waiter
Add an article
a waiter
show examples
 in a restaurant, they should get involved in
converstion
Correct your spelling
conversation
conversations
 with visitors. They enforce
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
act politely, suggesting
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 favourite food and even accepting
complains
Replace the word
complaints
show examples
 from customers. Those things would build their resilience and strong character. In conclusion,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 only learning at
school
Use synonyms
, having other activities
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 that greatly outweighs any possible disadvantage as they could enhance their readiness for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life in the future.

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language
Improve sentence structure and grammatical accuracy to increase clarity and readability.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure ideas are linked smoothly for enhanced cohesion and coherence.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are effectively present and contribute to the logical flow of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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