IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You recently bought a piece of sports equipment from an online store. When you first used the piece of sports equipment, you found a problem with it. Write a letter to teh manager of the online store. In your letter describe the problem with the piece of sports equipment say what happened because of the problem explain what you would like the company to do.

#piece #sports #equipment #store #first #teh #manager #company
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Dear Sir, I hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you well. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my dissatisfaction with the Cricket
Bat
Use synonyms
 that I purchased from your online retail store. I bought a
short handle
Add a hyphen
short-handle
show examples
 cricket
bat
Use synonyms
 from BAS.com
last
Linking Words
 week. After
recieving
Correct your spelling
receiving
 it, I realised that
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 handle
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 not in proper
allignment
Correct your spelling
alignment
. Owing to it,
Use synonyms
bat's
Correct article usage
the bat's
show examples
 balance is not right and I am unable to use it
rightly
Rephrase
correctly
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it
unables
Correct your spelling
enables
 me to use it in practice sessions, which are essential for
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
knocking before matches.
Moreover
Linking Words
, my old
bat
Use synonyms
 is not in good shape and it is proving to be a big issue for me. In order to, resolve the problem, I would like to urge you to kindly replace it with a new one. I request you to take prompt action so that I have enough time to
ready
Correct your spelling
read
show examples
 it before
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 tournament. I hope you will look into the matter and help me
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 of your abilities. I am looking forward
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a positive response from your side. Yours faithfully, Jatinder.
Submitted by mrsdns on

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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing sentences within paragraphs more logically to enhance understanding. For instance, describing the perceived issue, the subsequent impact, and requested resolution can flow more naturally.
task achievement
Ensure all essential components of the task are adequately addressed. Include specific details regarding how the issue impacts your use of the product or your ability to continue practicing effectively.
task achievement
Engaging and clear language used throughout the letter, which enhances the tone.
suitable writing tone
A polite and respectful tone is maintained consistently, suitable for a formal business letter.
coherence cohesion
The letter concludes politely with an expression of expectation for a positive response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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