IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people consider sports to be their career in the society. For others, it is mostly a workout to stay fit.​ Discuss both views and give your own opinion.​

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Some individuals regard
sports
Use synonyms
 to be their social
career
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others think it is mostly a workout to maintain their fitness. I would like to agree with the former idea and discuss both viewpoints. Moving to the
people
Use synonyms
 who consider
sports
Use synonyms
 as a type of social
career
Use synonyms
. I assert that they regard
sports
Use synonyms
 as one mechanism to communicate with others and construct their
career
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, individuals who play several team
sports
Use synonyms
 like soccer, baseball and basketball can collaborate with their team members by preparing
some
Change preposition
for some
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 competitions. These experiences will enrich their future
career
Use synonyms
 in many ways like communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and problem-solving.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, not only for team
sports
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 for some private
sports
Use synonyms
 like table tennis and badminton can benefit their
career
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, these days, because it is normal for common individuals to possess personal
sports
Use synonyms
, having private
sports
Use synonyms
 can be shown as one positive characteristic. With respect to other opinions,
however
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 disagree with that viewpoint. They insist that the
role
Use synonyms
 of
sports
Use synonyms
 is mainly
maintaining
Verb problem
to maintain
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
healthy body conditions.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they do not agree with some social
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 from
sports
Use synonyms
 and even restrict the
role
Use synonyms
 of
sports
Use synonyms
 as a workout to stay fit. Even though there are many public
sports
Use synonyms
 for general citizens, they do not prefer to
enlarge
Verb problem
participate in
show examples
 public
sports
Use synonyms
 since it is out of the main
role
Use synonyms
 of
sports
Use synonyms
 to stay fit. In conclusion, I want to share
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
 with
people
Use synonyms
 who consider
sports
Use synonyms
 as a type of social
career
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, I think that it is not proper to restrict the
role
Use synonyms
 of
sports
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 still disagree with the importance of
sports
Use synonyms
, it is definite that
sports
Use synonyms
 will give the best aid in a workout
as well as
Linking Words
 in
social
Correct article usage
a social
show examples
career
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to organize your thoughts and ideas effectively. However, try to further improve the logical flow between your paragraphs and within the paragraphs themselves to enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
While you have addressed both perspectives and stated your own opinion, ensure that your main points are well-supported with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. This will help achieve a more complete response to the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for a well-structured essay.
Task Achievement
You have succeeded in covering both perspectives regarding the role of sports, as required by the task prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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