Some people think that it is a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and/or weekends. Other people think it is important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays,some
indiviuals
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individuals
argue that being
extera
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extra
friendly with fellow staff in our
lesuire
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leisure
time
it's make
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it makes
show examples
lucrative idea
while
Linking Words
some people believe that we should totally
diffrentiate
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differentiate
differentiated
between social
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
and work
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
.In my opinion,interacting with many
indiviuals
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individuals
would be helpful because you can get familiar with
other's
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other
show examples
people in our lives with
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
attitudes.In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will explain both views in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
paragraphs. On the one hand,making some good friends in our
habitance
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habitants
cause many
benefical
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beneficial
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
. Specifically at the company,where many folks spend
a duty hours
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duty hours
a duty hour
show examples
of the day,they need an
enviroment
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environment
without stress,discomfort,inconvenience and hardness,
thus
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,it is a good point to make familiar with other colleagues in free hours
such
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as weekends or evenings.
besides
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, a good tuning between teamwork has been always effective for
outcome
Add an article
the outcome
show examples
the best thing of
producting
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producing
.
For example
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:Toyota proved that the social
inteaction
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interaction
interactions
between
co-worker
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co-workers
show examples
is
advantages
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advantageous
show examples
for increasing the quality of the product.
On the other hand
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,some
issue
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issues
show examples
related to
corporating
Verb problem
cooperating
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with
workmate
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workmates
show examples
have been reported
with
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by
show examples
many organisations,over friendly with officemate
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cause the
likehood
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likelihood
of favouring someone all the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
at
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
regardness
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regarding
the
capabilites
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capabilities
of his or her can make that they can't see the capabilites of hard working fellow staff.
Besides
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,some
employess
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employees
employers
may pressure the boss
of holding
Change preposition
to hold
show examples
for
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
of
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in
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affairs
such
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as salary hikes,promotion of duty and so on.
Therefore
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,it is evident that
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
mustn't blended
of
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with
show examples
regular life, In conclusion:surely,an office place should be a happening place to produce more and more quality for a company during
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
day ,
whereas
Linking Words
,the
remaing
Correct your spelling
remaining
hours including weekends and nights should be used for other friends and people with various functions in life .
Submitted by pardisghobadi on

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task achievement
Your essay does address both views and provides your own opinion, which is great. However, try to ensure that each point mentioned is developed more thoroughly with additional supporting details and examples to enhance the overall discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to improve readability. Each paragraph should connect smoothly to the next, and ideas should flow logically.
task achievement
Place more emphasis on maintaining consistency in presenting and supporting your main points. While examples are present, they could be more integrated and relevant to better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument and makes your essay more structured.
task achievement
Tackling both perspectives and expressing your opinion shows a balanced approach, which is a good strategy in task response.
task achievement
Inclusion of examples, like the mention of Toyota, helps to substantiate your points and add credibility.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • colleagues
  • socialising
  • work relationships
  • teamwork
  • positive
  • supportive
  • work environment
  • personal relationships
  • collaboration
  • communication
  • stress
  • well-being
  • work-life balance
  • personal time
  • boundaries
  • conflicts
  • burnout
  • professional
  • personal identities
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