Some people say that parents have more important roles to play in children development.However, others argue that friends and television have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #roles #children #development #friends #television #influence

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There is no denying the fact that

Use synonyms

children

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children's

show examples

parents

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have a lot of effect

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there

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their

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growes

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growth

and development, there is

also

Linking Words

an argument

opposes

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opposing

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it , a lot of people

sayed

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say

that watching tv and friends influence

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kids

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kids'

kid's

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development. I will talk about both views and talk about my opinion.

To begin

Linking Words

with

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Correct article usage

the parents

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parents

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parental

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effect , the way that the

parents

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use to

Verb problem

apply

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raise their

children

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is so important.

For example

Linking Words

, if they use

a good ways

Correct the article-noun agreement

a good way

good ways

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to teach their

children

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and raise them with love and

sopport

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support

they will grow as

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apply

show examples

good people with

confident

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confidence

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In addition

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also

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teaching them to sit

boundries

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boundaries

so they can learn how to protect

themselfes

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themselves

show examples

and to learn how to respect other

people

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people's

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boundries

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boundaries

. Another point to consider,

that

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is that

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influence

Fix the agreement mistake

influences

show examples

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apply

show examples

children

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ofcourse

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of course

there is a big effect on

children

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and the

kids

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can learn from them a lot of things , it depends if

the

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they

show examples

will learn a good thing or

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apply

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bad

behavior

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behaviour

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, if the

kids

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have

a good friendships

Correct the article-noun agreement

a good friendship

good friendships

show examples

that means they will learn from them

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apply

show examples

good thing and will not add a bad thing to their

personalitey

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personality

personalities

Linking Words

Also

Add a comma

Also,

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the same for television it depends on what they are watching if it

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is a

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thing that

not

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does not

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match their age

ofcourse

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of course

it will damage their development. There

Verb problem

apply

show examples

a good shows that are for

kids

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so they are

desinge

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designed

to teach them

a good things

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good things

a good thing

show examples

. In conclusion, I

belive

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believe

show examples

that both of the views can be right

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show examples

some times , but my opinion is when

the

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apply

show examples

parents

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are aware of their

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children's

Change noun form

children

show examples

they will

now

Correct your spelling

know

show examples

if they watch

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apply

show examples

bad

Verb problem

apply

show examples

shows or if they have

a bad friends

Correct the article-noun agreement

bad friends

a bad friend

show examples

that

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can influence them . Because if they are watching their

kids

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they will

now

Correct your spelling

know

show examples

how to

fex

Correct your spelling

fix

that problem.

Submitted by serenhamad3 on Sun Jan 26 2025

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coherence cohesion

To improve your essay, ensure each paragraph develops one main idea and is clearly linked to the next. Using clear transition phrases could enhance your coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

More specific examples related to the impact of friends and television on children's development would strengthen your task response. Try to use real-world examples or studies.

task achievement

Aim for clearer and more comprehensive ideas by structuring your thoughts in a more organized manner. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence.

task achievement

Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic by discussing both perspectives and providing an opinion.

coherence cohesion

You've included both an introduction and a conclusion, giving your essay a complete structure.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

309 words

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Some people say that parents have more important roles to play in children development.However, others argue that friends and television have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

More and more people are using internet to do their tasks rather that doing in person for example shopping bankings hotel bookings. Do you think tha advantage outweigh disadvantage

Going to another country for a study and need help for a part time job

Good looking people tend to get hired more easily despite not having very impressive qualifications. Do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?