IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many new technologies influenced how children spend their leisure time. Disscuss the advantages and disadvantages of new technological advancements in childrens live

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Today,
technology
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 has significantly impacted
people
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's lives. Especially, children's
life
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lives
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. Kids trying to kill their time on
technology
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 developments. I think
technology
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 has more drawbacks if we compare the
advantage
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advantages
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 and
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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 sides. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why... First of all, there are some new devices
such
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 as computers, smartphones and tablets.
People
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use
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 different types of devices
for
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to
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 communicate with their friends or family members. In fact, it is really nice to talk with our friends on social media.
In other words
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, we can
also
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 learn some information from
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internet
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the internet
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.
For instance
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, when I have a project at
the
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apply
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school, I generally prefer looking at some sources or articles on the
internet
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.
People
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use
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technology
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 not only for social life
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 we have been
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use
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using
used
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 robots
instead
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 of
dangerous
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a dangerous
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job
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jobs
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. All in all,
technology
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 has many useful impacts on our social
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
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. Unfortunately,
technology
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also
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 has some drawbacks,
such
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 as harmful health issues. To illustrate, using a computer or tablet too much can make us feel uncomfortable during the day. And social media can
also
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 lead to anxiety, depression or stress among the
people
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. Another drawback of
this
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 can be addiction too. To elaborate, young
people
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 have more passion for the
internet
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 than older
people
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.
Overall
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, we should not
use
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technology
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 exaggeratedly. To wrap up,
technology
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 has many effects on our
life
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lives
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.
For example
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, mental, social,
emotional
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and emotional
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 aspects
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are effected
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effected
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affected
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 by
technology
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. My take on
this
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, we must
use
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technology
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for
Change preposition
to
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advantage
Correct pronoun usage
our advantage
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 sides.
For example
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, learning information from the
internet
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,
using
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and using
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 robots for dangerous jobs.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction that states your opinion or the purpose of the essay. Similarly, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points discussed.
relevant specific examples
Try to use more specific examples to support your points, as this can help strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
logical structure
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay by creating clear paragraphs, with each paragraph representing a single idea or theme. Use linking words and phrases effectively to show the connections between ideas.
complete response
The essay clearly identifies both the advantages and disadvantages of technology in children's lives, providing a balanced discussion.
clear comprehensive ideas
There is a good attempt to cover different aspects such as social, mental, and emotional impacts, which demonstrates a clear understanding of how technology affects children.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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