IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Cars
Use synonyms
 have become a necessity for a nuclear family. Almost
each
Correct determiner usage
every
show examples
 family member owns a
car
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
own
Wrong verb form
have owned
show examples
 a
car
Use synonyms
 in Britain since the year 2000. I Completely agree with the statement, because I believe that using other means of
transport
Use synonyms
 has
fair
Change the article
a fair
the fair
show examples
 number of benefits and imposing a law to control
car
Use synonyms
 ownership will create an encouragement in
people
Use synonyms
 for the same. A lot of alternate modes of
transport
Use synonyms
 can be used by citizens to commute from one place to another. These may include public
transport
Use synonyms
 like buses and trains or personal
transport
Use synonyms
 like bicycles. For travelling to distant locations,
people
Use synonyms
 could opt to
travel
Use synonyms
 by public
transport
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will create an environmental impact and drastically reduce pollution and noise levels. Apart from that, traffic jams would
also
Linking Words
reduce
Wrong verb form
be reduced
show examples
 significantly. To
travel
Use synonyms
 short distances, like travelling to
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 or stepping out to buy groceries,
people
Use synonyms
 could
travel
Use synonyms
 by
bicycles
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycle
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
cars
Use synonyms
.
No
Correct your spelling
Not
show examples
 only will
this
Linking Words
 help control pollution,
it
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
 will
also
Linking Words
 contribute to better physical health. In earlier days, a nuclear family owned only one vehicle.
This
Linking Words
 is not the case now. It is observed that a
car
Use synonyms
 is owned by each member of the family, even if it is a young
college going
Add a hyphen
college-going
show examples
 student.
This
Linking Words
 should be discouraged. If an international law is introduced that states only one member of a nuclear family can own a
car
Use synonyms
, the rest of the family members are forced to
travel
Use synonyms
 by
bicycles
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycle
show examples
 or public
transport
Use synonyms
. If
this
Linking Words
 is implemented, a
car
Use synonyms
 will eventually only be used for long trips or family picnics, which solves the problem of encouraging alternate modes of
transport
Use synonyms
 as well.
However
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 feel
this
Linking Words
 could exclude the segment of
ultra- luxury
Correct your spelling
ultra-luxury
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe alternate forms of commute must be used by all citizens to minimise environmental issues as much as possible. It is
also
Linking Words
 vital that a law must be introduced to curb the growing number of
cars
Use synonyms
 that are now seen on British roads.

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task achievement
While the essay provides a complete response to the prompt, clear delineation of arguments in favor of the proposition can enhance clarity.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or statistics to fully illustrate points, for instance, comparing pollution levels or traffic conditions before and after the suggested policy implementation.
coherence cohesion
The essay can be strengthened by ensuring a more fluid connection between paragraphs. Consider using transition words for smoother progression.
coherence cohesion
The essay offers a comprehensive introduction and conclusion, encapsulating the writer's stance effectively.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is effectively maintained, making the essay easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The main ideas are coherent and supported by valid reasons which align well with the prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance on
  • regulate
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • public health
  • sustainable development
  • alternative forms of transport
  • car ownership
  • balancing benefits and drawbacks
What to do next:
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