IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar graph below shows basic information about uses of leisure time among different age group.

The bar graph below shows basic information about uses of leisure time among different age group.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart provides key information about pastime
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
 people spend it. It is decided
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 three categories reading,
computer
Use synonyms
, and sports and exercise depending on what they want to do. The units are measured in minutes per weekend day.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the percentage of people who are reading in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 was high.
In addition
Linking Words
,
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 the
computer
Use synonyms
 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
increase user percentage of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and exercise.
Accoding
Correct your spelling
According
 to what is shown who
person
Use synonyms
 do sports and exercise
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 aged between 20-65
years
Use synonyms
 old their proportion was 120,
however
Linking Words
 began
drop
Fix the infinitive
to drop
show examples
 who aged 13-19 and over 66
years
Use synonyms
 old between 20-60 respectively.
Seventy five
Add a hyphen
Seventy-five
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 their
ages
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 between 13-19
years
Use synonyms
 old they are using
Use synonyms
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 during
Use synonyms
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
show examples
time
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
who
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 aged between 20 to over 66
years
Use synonyms
 old
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 number 30. The numerous of people who
reading
Change the form of the verb
read
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Change the word
their
show examples
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
Add the particle
to increase
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 with age
start
Verb problem
apply
show examples
from 5 to 60
person
Use synonyms
. In terms of who
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 during
leisure
Use synonyms
 most than reading and
plaing
Correct your spelling
playing
 sports that
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 aged between 13 and 19 apposes than persons
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 20-65
years
Use synonyms
 old.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, leisure, time, person, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: