IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the government should strictly control the supply of fresh water, while others think we can use as much water as we want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #control #water
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the government should tightly control
fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 utilization. They think that the quantity of
water
Use synonyms
 is limited, and it can run out. Without
water
Use synonyms
 humans, animals and plants will not be able to live.
For example
Linking Words
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 for garden irrigation or a car wash, the others can stay without
water
Use synonyms
. Laws and restrictions need to be put in place to prevent
this
Linking Words
 from happening. It will help to
use
Use synonyms
water
Use synonyms
 wisely.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are those who believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 should be available for everyone in any quantity. They argue, that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 is a basic necessity like air. These
people
Use synonyms
 think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 everyone has the right to take as much
water
Use synonyms
 as they need. If the government starts to control
water
Use synonyms
, it can create some problems.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 farmers cannot grow enough food if they have less
water
Use synonyms
 for irrigation. I think
water
Use synonyms
 usage must
be manage
Change the verb form
be managed
show examples
 carefully. But that doesn't mean that access to
water
Use synonyms
 should be severely restricted. The best way to educate
people
Use synonyms
 on how to economize
water
Use synonyms
 and take care of nature.
For example
Linking Words
,
water
Use synonyms
 can be turned off when you brush your teeth or collect rainwater for plant irrigation.
Also
Linking Words
 need to develop technologies, which can help to conserve
water
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe, that the government should monitor the
use
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
, but not to make it hard to
use
Use synonyms
. It is important that
water
Use synonyms
 is available for everyone, but
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 need to realize that it needs to be conserved. It will help to conserve
water
Use synonyms
 for future generations.
Submitted by nana_skylife on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed with supporting evidence and examples, which can help strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider more precise transitions between your ideas and paragraphs to avoid abrupt jumps and to guide the reader smoothly.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both perspectives of the issue and presents the writer's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main ideas and reiterates your opinion, providing a cohesive end to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: