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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many people prefer to shop online instead of going to physical stores. Do the advantages of online shopping outweigh the disadvantages?

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In
modern
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the modern
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 era, the preference of the persons is changing rapidly. Almost everyone is doing virtual shopping rather than visiting the shops physically.
This
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 option has many benefits
such
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 as
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this is
Wrong verb form
being
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 a
time saving
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time-saving
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 process and
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
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environment
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the environment
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 in many ways. But the major drawback of
this
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 trend is a lack of physical examination of the item.
Hence
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, merits overshadow the demerits. To commence with,
the
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apply
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virtual purchasing can avoid wastage of time and can help to protect the ecosystem in different ways.
Firstly
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, the main benefit of
this
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 trend is that
this
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 can reduce traffic congestion and help to improve the
overall
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 quality of the air, which can directly
give
Verb problem
have
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 a positive impact on
the
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apply
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public health.
Secondly
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, another positive point of
this
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 shift is
easy
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an easy
the easy
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 comparison of branded products through different websites.
Also
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, there is a chance to get cheap products as compared to shops as digital platforms offer many attractive discounts.
For example
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, during the new year, the Amazon app and the Shein website offered
flat
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a flat
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 50% discount on every product.
Conversely
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, there are numerous benefits of
this
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 shift but the biggest setback of
this
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 option is
unavailability
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the unavailability
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 of live inspection, which can increase the chances of cheat and fraud. Many times the product is different in
the
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apply
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colour and size as shown in the pictures.
Besides
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, sharing personal information on digital websites can increase the chances of cyber fraud in which money can be lost,
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moreover
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moreover,
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 misuse of personal data can harm the image of the person in the society.
For instance
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, a famous app Tamu faced an issue in 2021 in which the buyers' information
were
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was
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 taken by a hacker.
To conclude
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,
virtual
Correct article usage
the virtual
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 purchasing trend is increasing day by day and
this
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 has many pros.
This
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 shift is
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
 and
this
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 can help humans to protect the ecosystem. But the main drawback of
this
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 is
unavailability
Add an article
the unavailability
show examples
 of live checking of the product.
Hence
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,
pros
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the pros
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overlaps
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overlap
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 the cons.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point of the paragraph. This helps in guiding the reader through your argumentation smoothly.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more fully and logically connect them across the essay. Some points feel introduced but not expanded upon effectively.
task achievement
Make sure your thesis statement clearly presents your opinion on whether online shopping's advantages outweigh its disadvantages. Your stance should be easily identifiable to the reader.
task achievement
You provide specific examples to support your points, such as discounts offered by online platforms, which adds credibility to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in structuring your response logically.
task achievement
You have identified and analyzed both advantages and disadvantages of online shopping, which demonstrates balanced thinking.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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