IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.

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Nowadays, many argue that saving
money
Use synonyms
, especially for adolescents, is completely important for their
future
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, in spite of others
believe
Wrong verb form
believing
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 that it is not necessary. I agree with that view
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because it helps youngsters fulfil their
future
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 needs and minimize the risk against higher
prices
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 of items. On the one hand, there is a major
facts
Change the noun form
fact
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 that there will be more things to purchase as they grow up.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who have families to support and children need more
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to a person who lives alone.
Therefore
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, having more complex essentials leads to a greater amount of
money
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 to secure. The National Statistics of the United States explained that living
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
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 for
people
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 in the productive age group with two kids is 75% higher than for unmarried
people
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.
As a result
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, saving
money
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 must be normalized in
young
Add an article
the young
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 generation,
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hence
Correct word choice
so hence
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 they can afford
buying
Change the verb form
to buy
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 their personal needs in the
future
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.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 idea is
also
Linking Words
 helping
people
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 to recover from the growth of goods
prices
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. Nowadays, many
people
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 are currently suffering from the financial crisis
due to
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 the dramatic rise of essential needs.
This
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 is caused by the unstable condition in terms of the global economy, which affects many nations’ inflation
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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. Research from Economy University mentioned that the inflation rate was 10%
during
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over
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 5 years, and a similar pattern can be seen
on
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in
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increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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of
Change preposition
apply
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products
Change the noun form
product
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 values.
For example
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, Indonesian
people
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 experience
the
Correct article usage
a
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 rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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to
Change preposition
by
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 15% in
a-year
Correct your spelling
a year
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as
Change preposition
to
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 the effects of the global crisis.
Consequently
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, they should preserve their
money
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 to reduce the impact of growing
prices
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. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 saving
money
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 is obviously vital for preparing a bright
future
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 for young
people
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.
This
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 is
support
Wrong verb form
supported
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 by arguments that there will be more demand
of
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for
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 the fundamental things and a rise in the
prices
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 of products in the
future
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance clarity and coherence further.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, consider providing a slightly broader range of examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your arguments.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples and statistics, which support your arguments very well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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