IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

People asleep less than they used to in the past what do you think is the reason behind this what are the effects on them

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People nowadays are struggling with not enough sleep
however
Linking Words
, it has a significant difference from the past .All are caused by
work
Use synonyms
 hard and
interaction
Correct article usage
the interaction
show examples
 of hard
work
Use synonyms
 with sleep that have effects on your feelings which makes you exhausted. Competitive modern jobs need more endures
whereas
Linking Words
, everyone works hard to establish themselves in the world . Because of that, they cut their sleep to have more time to improve their skills
,
Correct word choice
and, therefore
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, achieve their goals .But everything has been easier in the past generations .
For example
Linking Words
, today being an influencer is the most common job which needs full-time
work
Use synonyms
 so, they are always at
work
Use synonyms
 and tired. Absolutely lack of sleep causes your energy .Fatigue
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
forces you to be depressed and all of them affect your endurance .
For example
Linking Words
, evidence illustrates people will get angry issues and mostly depressed because of lack of sleep. In conclusion, if you feel sad and not interested in your life probably because of your lack of sleep which comes from working hard and Non-Stop

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task response
Your essay addresses the topic, but it would benefit from a clearer and more structured argument. Try to elaborate on your points with more relevant specifics.
coherence
There are some coherence issues. Consider linking your ideas more smoothly and clearly stating your main points at the beginning of each paragraph.
task response
Try to provide more examples to support your ideas. Specific examples enhance your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your essay.
task response
You used a relevant example about influencers to support your point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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