IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than their achievements, which has set a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s world, most artists are popular just because of their beauty and money not because of their accomplishments. Which is not good for inspiring today’s youth.
However
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,I disagree with
this
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 notion.
To begin
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 with, a real artist is someone who has the potential to change the viewpoint of society rather than show off their money by buying expensive things and showing them to the public.
For instance
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, a fashion designer named ‘Urfi Javed’ became famous just because of her talent. In one of her shows she made a dress by garbage bag and it was all over the social media.
Furthermore
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, glamour and money are not the only things the public wants. They want to see the real talent.
For example
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, in dancing shows, mostly people from the middle class participate in these programs. So they were not acknowledged by the media before but after winning the pageant they
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 celebrities.
Moreover
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, it is not denied that there are some famous public figures who just show off their luxurious lifestyle by doing nothing in their life because they are kids of rich families. That’s
also
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 called ‘napo kid’. In conclusion, there are some people who are famous just because they have a luxury lifestyle but the fact cannot be denied that a lot of individuals are popular because of their passion and achievements.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, you can further organize your main points by ensuring each paragraph clearly relates to the central argument. Make sure your reasoning is explicitly linked back to the essay question.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure that all parts of the question are addressed completely and make sure your response is justified with clear, comprehensive ideas. Deepen your exploration of examples to make them more relevant and specific to your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've structured your essay with a clear introduction and conclusion, maintaining a logical flow throughout the paragraphs. This helps in navigating your arguments with ease.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic directly, providing a balanced view. You offer specific examples that support your arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • superficial attributes
  • sensationalism
  • idolize
  • materialism
  • philanthropy
  • glamour
  • achievements
  • role models
  • humanitarian
  • influence
  • media portrayal
  • public adoration
  • celebrity worship
  • young individuals
  • unrealistic standards
  • intellectual success
  • public interest
  • professional recognition
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