IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People today are not as fit as they were in the past. What are the causes of this? What can governments do to deal with this issue?

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Health is wealth, we have often heard
this
Linking Words
 a lot.
However
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, it is very
difficuilt
Correct your spelling
difficult
 for
people
Use synonyms
 to stay fit in today's busy world as compared to the past. So we will discuss the causes of unfit
people
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 and what important steps
Correct article usage
the
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government
Use synonyms
 should take to prevent
this
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issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
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 in upcoming paragraphs.
Defination
Correct your spelling
Definition
 of being fit has changed a lot. In
this
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 modern and
biggest
Correct word choice
apply
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growing
era
Add a comma
era,
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people
Use synonyms
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
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 being skinny and six packs are
Add an article
a symbol
the symbol
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symbol
Fix the agreement mistake
symbols
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 of being fit where they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have
enoungh
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enough
 stamina to keep standing for longer
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of time.
People
Use synonyms
 in past were more
avtive
Correct your spelling
active
 and used to
evolve
Wrong verb form
evolving
show examples
 in natural activities
such
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 as fishing, hiking and playing all kinds of sports. I believe that
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 cause of
people
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 being unhealthy today is consuming more junk foods and not doing
exerceise
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
 at all.
People
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 in the past used to have foods which
consist
Wrong verb form
consisted
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 of all the essential
requires
Replace the word
requirements
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by
Change preposition
of
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 the body. Moving
further
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,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 should open public gyms which everyone
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 afford and they should invest in training and
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
host
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
seminars in different places
such
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 as schools, colleges and workplaces to aware
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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.
Correct word choice
aware.
show examples
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should mainly focus on providing camps as well where we can educate the
people
Use synonyms
. in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, I would say that
government
Use synonyms
 play an important role in spreading awareness but it all depends on
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
show examples
Correct your spelling
choice
choise
Correct your spelling
choice whether
wheathe
Correct your spelling
whether
 they want to remain healthy and disciplined or should remain unfit for
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 whole life

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coherence cohesion
Ensure ideas are clearly conveyed by rephrasing complex or awkward sentence structures.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistency in spelling, punctuation, and paragraphing for a polished finish.
task achievement
Expand on the main points with deeper insights or broader perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the essay's purpose.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and perspective.
task achievement
Overall, the essay addresses both parts of the task question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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