IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think parents should control the behaviour of children from a very young age but others think we should give them more freedom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Educating
children
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 about various aspects of life has become mandatory for
parents
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 and teachers. It is said that the nature of the youngsters is supervised by
parents
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 to save them from bad companies
however
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 it is beneficial to give them opportunities to become independent.
This
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 essay will explain both arguments and I believe that managing the behaviour of
children
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 since they are young would be beneficial not only for
parents
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 but
also
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 for
children
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 themselves. The most common reasons for supervision seem to be based on building them as a responsible individual or providing them with a safe and nurturing environment.
This
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 is because, in recent years, engagement in bad habits has increased
such
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 as using mobile phones and social media which is proven to be a distraction. The less
children
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 focus on using online websites, the more responsible and independent they will be, promoting a sense of belonging which is essential for personal and social development.
On the other hand
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, freedom in terms of education
also
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 would play a key role in developing foundation
skills
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 of life as it is the perfect time for
parents
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 to build them how they deserve. Problem-solving
skills
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, critical thinking
skills
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, and leadership qualities are significantly important at a very early age,
for instance
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, fostering a learning environment around them. If they have learned these essential
skills
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, it would be easy for them to survive and compete in
this
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 competitive era, leading to the development of a secure future. In conclusion, even though it is difficult to manage the behaviour of
children
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however
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 these basic
skills
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 will not be developed unless
parents
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 provide a learning atmosphere and providing opportunities to learn life
skills
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.
Therefore
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,
according to
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 my perspective, it is necessary to notice and monitor the nature of
children
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.

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your main points. This can help strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that ideas are well-developed and elaborated. While your main points are clear, providing more depth and detail would improve clarity and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay with clear, logically-sequenced paragraphs. This will help improve the logical flow of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which successfully frames the discussion and ties up the ideas presented.
task achievement
You effectively cover both perspectives on the topic, demonstrating a balanced approach to the discussion. This addresses the task requirement well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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