IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that the government should support artists like musicians, painters, and poets, while others argue that this is a misuse of funds. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is often said that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artistic people like musicians, painters, and poets because they play a huge role in youngsters's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
However
Linking Words
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
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 are some
individuals
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 that are completely against
this
Linking Words
 idea. I will discuss the debate and give a concluding view on
this
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 topic. on the one hand, In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, most of the young
individuals
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 follow
artists
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 and they want to become just like them. If a country's
government
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support
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
musicians, poets and painters
then
Linking Words
 it would be beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young innovative minds. To exemplify, By seeing the ministry's
support
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individuals
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 will feel more free to showcase their talent on
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
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 level and they will feel more confident about their careers in art fields.
Apart from
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this
Linking Words
, another benefit is that
Artists
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 can represent the country on international platforms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will
also
Linking Words
 help to boost the economy and relationships between different nations. Examples can be seen in today's world where many
artists
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 from different countries
doing
Verb problem
apply
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collaborations
Replace the word
collaborate
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 together that
will
Verb problem
apply
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show that we all are
same
Correct article usage
the same
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. It helps to create new bonds between the countries.
By contrast
Linking Words
, Some people
advised
Verb problem
say
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 are misusing the funds by promoting
artists
Use synonyms
. They believe that
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should spend money
to
Change preposition
on
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 other fields which
ranges
Change the verb form
range
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 from
health
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the health
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 sector,education and sports etc.
instead
Linking Words
 of spending too much money on
artists
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. It is necessary to focus on
public's
Correct article usage
the public's
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 genuine problems.
for example
Linking Words
, There are so many
individuals
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 cannot afford
the
Correct article usage
apply
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expensive treatments because of
finanacial
Correct your spelling
financial
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
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due to
Linking Words
 which their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
come
Change the verb form
comes
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 to
the
Correct article usage
an
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 end.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 can help them by providing less costly treatments in
the
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apply
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hospitals.
Moreover
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, they should promote physical and mental health by supporting the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 persons in the country. Nowadays,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of youngsters refuse to choose sports because they think they cannot earn enough money to
support
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 their families if they go for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports.
Overall
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, There is no
doublt
Correct your spelling
doubt
 that
Correct article usage
the govenment
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govenment
Correct your spelling
government
 should
support
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 the
artists
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 to enhance their nation's growth
however
Linking Words
, There are some other major issues that need consideration
instead
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 of just focusing on the
artists
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.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly focuses on a single main point. Avoid introducing multiple ideas in one paragraph without clear transitions.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, and ensure they directly relate to the main points being discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
When discussing contrasting ideas, clearly state the transition to help the reader understand the shift in perspective.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both views of the topic, showing a balanced approach to the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the essay well.
Task Achievement
The discussion covers a range of ideas related to the topic, showing a good understanding of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • cultural diversity
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • trickle-down effect
  • national pride
  • artistic independence
  • government funding
  • taxpayer burden
  • compromise integrity
What to do next:
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