IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is important for preventing chronic diseases and long-term illness.
However
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, I agree that it is very concerning that somehow in the
future
Use synonyms
, the quality of people’s
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 will probably decrease
due to
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 today’s unhealthy food culture and rising of sedentary lifestyles. One of the main factors that likely affect the average standard of people’s health in the
future
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 is the current dietary culture. Especially the availability of fast food around us.
It
Correct pronoun usage
There
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 is no doubt that takeout
are
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is
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 very convenient for most of us, not only they are very appetizing, but they
also
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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sold
in
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at
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 reasonable
price
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prices
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. Sadly, these junk foods contain a notable high
calorie
Fix the agreement mistake
calories
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 with minimal healthy nutrients,
which
Correct word choice
and
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 improper intake can lead to obesity, or
worser
Correct your spelling
worse
, chronic diseases. Unfortunately, we can observe that people nowadays are highly dependent
to
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on
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 processed food because of
the
Change the word
its
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 accessibility, which is very alarming and may affect
population’s
Correct article usage
the population’s
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wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 in general.
Furthermore
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, the emergence of technologies influenced a lot into today’s lifestyle. Take a look
of
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apply
show examples
around us. Kids are being too immersed in video games and tablets,
while
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 the adults
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 get rid
out
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apply
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of smartphones from their
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
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. It is inevitable that gadgets cause these poor habits to emerge and contribute to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
movements
Fix the agreement mistake
movement
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 and outdoor exercise in their routine, which is very terrifying for their
future
Use synonyms
 healthiness.
Moreover
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, many studies have proved that improper and excessive usage of gadgets
also
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 can harm our body,
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 looking
the
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at the
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 screen of gadgets in the dark will damage your eyes,
while
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 listening to music with earphones in a very high volume may deaf your ears.
To sum up
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, today’s improper lifestyles are likely
affecting
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to affect
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 the quality of healthiness of individuals in the
future
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. I believe it is important to spread
the
Correct article usage
apply
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awareness
on
Change preposition
of
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 how
important
Replace the word
importance
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 of having a good body, mind, and soul for a better quality of life.

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Task Achievement
Try to further elaborate on some points, such as the impact of unhealthy lifestyles and habits, by integrating more specific statistics or studies to bolster your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a concluding sentence summarizing the key points discussed to ensure a strong closure to your essay.
Language
Make sure to check for minor grammatical errors, such as "worser" instead of "worse," for improved language accuracy.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction, setting the context and stating the position in response to the prompt.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples are effectively included to explain the impact of fast food and technology on health.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraphing is generally coherent, aiding the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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