IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Many
people
Use synonyms
experiences
Change the verb form
experience
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative
Use synonyms
 medicines in the present. They
beleives
Correct your spelling
believe
 that it could help them to get over
health
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in typical ways,
while
Linking Words
 other individuals believe in the conventional
healthcare
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system
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
choiced
Correct your spelling
chosen
 medicines are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative approach because many of them consist
inappropriate
Change preposition
of inappropriate
show examples
substance
Fix the agreement mistake
substances
show examples
, which can harm
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 in some ways.
An
Correct article usage
Alternative
show examples
alternative
Use synonyms
medicine
Use synonyms
, becoming
people
Use synonyms
's choice in the present because many individuals may face a serious
health
Use synonyms
 problem, which has only a few percentage
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 recovery.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they might try to find some alternate approach, which will help them to get over their severe
health
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 difficulties.
For instance
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,
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
 medication, which announces their
overestimate
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overestimated
show examples
 effect,
such
Linking Words
 as cancer and heart disease recovery,
containing
Wrong verb form
contains
show examples
 many substances with non-researching
standard
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standards
show examples
.
Thus
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, it can
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
critical
Add an article
the critical
a critical
show examples
 effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who take it.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
alternative
Use synonyms
medicine
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 without effective
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
 might enhance many critical effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
system
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such
Linking Words
 as kidney and brain damage.
This
Linking Words
 will increase a lot of workloads for many
healthcare
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 workers.
For example
Linking Words
,
doctor
Correct article usage
a doctor
show examples
,
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apply
show examples
 will have to diagnose the unnecessary issue, which is
form
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 person who
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 the
alternative
Use synonyms
medicine
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, and
damage
Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
show examples
 their own
health
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, the
healthcare
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equpment
Correct your spelling
equipment
 will lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
, spreading other difficulties to the
people
Use synonyms
 who genuinely need it. In conclusion, I
strongy
Correct your spelling
strongly
supposed
Verb problem
believe
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative
Use synonyms
medicine
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative development, especially without appropriate
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
 because it can be harmful to
individual
Add an article
the individual
show examples
 body
system
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, and probably
decay
Correct subject-verb agreement
decays
show examples
 many organs
such
Linking Words
 as
kidney
Correct article usage
the kidney
show examples
, brain, and stomach in
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
, resulting in
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 more workloads for
Use synonyms
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
show examples
system
Use synonyms
.

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Language Accuracy
There are few grammatical errors and some language inaccuracies, such as mismatched verb tense and incorrect word choices. For example, 'experiences' should be 'experience' in this context and 'choiced medicines' should be 'chosen medicines'. Consider rereading and editing for language accuracy.
Structure
The essay structure is clear. However, it could be improved by ensuring each paragraph stays focused on one main idea. Avoid combining too many ideas in one paragraph.
Expansion on Ideas
While you have included examples, such as homemade medication claims, specifying more about the substances and their effects could further strengthen the argument.
Cohesion Enhancements
Providing a better link between sentences within paragraphs could improve cohesion. Consider using transitional words and phrases to connect your thoughts better.
Introduction
The introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion, which provides a good foundation for the essay.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively reiterates your key points, supporting your thesis on why alternative medicine is negative.
Example Usage
You have used specific examples, like homemade medication, to support your argument about the dangers of unregulated substances.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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