IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together, while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to
Linking Words
 the advancement of technology, the
Internet
Use synonyms
 has become inseparable in our lives.
However
Linking Words
, it has been increasingly concerned that
while
Linking Words
 it is undoubtedly beneficial for today’s daily communication, it
also
Linking Words
 can
cause
Use synonyms
 the rise of social isolation in the
community
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views on how the existence of the
Internet
Use synonyms
 can influence
people
Use synonyms
’s social engagement. On the positive side, we cannot ignore that the
Internet
Use synonyms
 has been
Correct article usage
a tremendous
show examples
tremendous
Change the word
tremendously
show examples
 helpful
tools
Fix the agreement mistake
tool
show examples
 to bring
people
Use synonyms
 closer, regardless
Change preposition
of places
show examples
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 and
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
. With the
Internet
Use synonyms
, everyone is able to share their daily stories and updates by sending messages and media
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. By doing these, family members and friends are able to keep updated with each other, especially for those who are residing abroad.
For instance
Linking Words
, a daughter who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 pursuing college overseas
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is able to connect with her parents quickly by
Whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of using letters which would take months to receive
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reply.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, improper and excessive usage of
this
Linking Words
 technology may
cause
Use synonyms
 some
people
Use synonyms
 to be addicted and
isolate
Wrong verb form
isolated
show examples
 from the
community
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been well-known to many
people
Use synonyms
, because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 immersive experience and amazing graphics, which cannot be
replicate
Wrong verb form
replicated
show examples
 in real life. Unfortunately, some of us are too engrossed in these advances, causing them staying too much
indoor
Correct your spelling
indoors
show examples
 and lessen
interacting
Replace the word
interaction
show examples
 with
outside
Add an article
the outside
show examples
 world.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they will have fewer friends in real life, which not only
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of social interaction and networking but may
cause
Use synonyms
 severe mental health issues
such
Linking Words
 as depression and anxiety.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the
Internet
Use synonyms
 can be a double-edged sword, maintaining the connection between
people
Use synonyms
 efficiently, but at the same time may
cause
Use synonyms
 serious social problems within the
community
Use synonyms
 if the technology is improperly used. In my opinion, knowing how to keep
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between usage of the
Internet
Use synonyms
 and engaging in social activities of the
community
Use synonyms
 is fairly crucial for one’s healthy social lifestyle.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure to address all parts of the topic. Consider exploring more examples of how the Internet can both connect and isolate people to provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows smoothly. Use linking words and phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay presents both positive and negative aspects of Internet usage with specific examples, such as communication via WhatsApp and gaming behavior, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points while offering a personal opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: