IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, too much money is spent by governments and individuals for national holiday days such as New Year and religious festivals. To what extent you agree or disagree ?

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In a large number of countries, governments and
people
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 spend too much
money
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 on several holidays.I partially agree with
this
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 statement as they use their budgets for events. Spending
money
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 is necessary for organizing events to look more luxurious.To explain
this
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, when governments or individuals have an enormous party, they use their budgets to decorate the
holiday
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 more beautifully.
For instance
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,
Last
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 Christmas in the USA, for decoration of the houses, too much
money
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 was spent by individuals who wanted to have a memorable
holiday
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.
Thus
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,in my opinion,
although
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 spending too much
money
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 leads
people
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 to a lack of budget, it is done for better holidays by
people
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 and the government.
However
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,in some cases,
this
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 trend is not done enough for festivals,
According to
Linking Words
 the government, it is not always good practice for them.
For example
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, when they spend a huge amount of
money
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 to decorate the
holiday
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, it will eventually lead to a decrease in the state budget.
As a result
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, it
also
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 affects
people
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's lifestyles in present times.
Therefore
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, in some cases, individuals and governments don’t have to spend too much
money
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
national and religious festivals, because to are financially stable.
To conclude
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,
although
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 spending
money
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 can help to decorate your
holiday
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 more effectively, the
money
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 doesn’t have to be spent wisely if your financial stability is bad

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph communicates a single main idea more clearly to enhance logical structure.
task achievement
Develop examples with more details to enhance the relevance and support of your points.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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