IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People should be allowed to continue to work as long as the want to, and not be forced to retire at a particular age such as 60 or 65. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences.

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Nowadays, a job is one of the most important things in people's lives. But after
such
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age
Use synonyms
 as 60 or 65, they are forced to retire. In my opinion,
this
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 decision is very useful. In
this
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 essay, I will try to prove my point of view.
To begin
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 with, in
such
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 old ages, human abilities start to become worse. The amount of
work
Use synonyms
 done in a given time will be less than. The quality of
work
Use synonyms
 will be bad too.
Therefore
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,
such
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 a person will be not as useful as the young generation.
For example
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, my father is 60 years old and he works at a company as a manager. His ability to
work
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 become way too bad. When he was younger he could
work
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 almost all day and the quality of
work
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 was incredibly high. But now he works only 8 hours a day and he is not
so
Correct word choice
as
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 good as he used to be. Another significant issue of
this
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 idea is human health. At the
age
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 of 60, even if a person wants to
work
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, in most cases the health can't handle that kind of strain on the body. That's why people must be retired at
such
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 an
age
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.
For instance
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, my grandfather was an industrious man. Even in
such
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 old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, he wanted to
work
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. He did it, but
then
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 his body couldn't take
such
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 an obstacle and
this
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 became the reason for his death. In conclusion, retirement is a very important part of society.
Young
Add an article
The young
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community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 are always more productive and healthy than
old
Correct pronoun usage
old ones
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. At
such
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 an
age
Use synonyms
 as 60 people should have some rest
at the end
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 of their lives.

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task response
Try to offer a more balanced view by considering potential arguments for people continuing to work past the traditional retirement age.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied transitions to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion sections.
task response
Use of personal examples to illustrate points.
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