Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Working
while
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studying has become a pervasive and necessary reality among
students
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. Many of them suffer from pressure and do not find enough
time
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to be successful.
This
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essay will examine the causes of
this
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issue and the available solutions to combat
this
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issue. On the one hand, there are many serious reasons why
students
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choose to
work
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while
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studying.
First,
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a lack of money leads
students
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to
work
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in part-
time
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jobs.
For example
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, the high costs of college force them to
work
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part-
time
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jobs.
Moreover
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, some
students
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need extra money for their education and entertainment.
Second,
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some people prefer to depend on themselves rather than rely on their parents.
For instance
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, independence can shape a person's personality.
Finally
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, some
students
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have extra
time
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after classes. In
this
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case, they decide to
work
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and learn new skills.
On the other hand
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, there are many effective solutions.
First,
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students
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should choose a job that offers flexibility. Evening
work
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, consisting of two to three hours, would be ideal.
This
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would alleviate the stress associated with being a working student. Studies have shown that working part-
time
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jobs can be effective in moulding future adults.
Second,
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governments should provide
students
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with financial aid.
Also
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, free or subsidised education would be tremendously helpful.
Finally
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,
students
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should learn
time
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management skills.
This
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would be advantageous as
time
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management is the key to balancing learning with working. In conclusion, it is clear to see that financial necessity forces
students
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to
work
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.
However
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,
this
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problem can be addressed through government financial support for
students
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,
as well as
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other educational financial programs.

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coherence
Use more clear links between ideas. Use words like also, but, for example to show flow.
content
Give more strong examples for each cause and for each solution to make points real.
task
Make sure you answer all parts of the task. Start with a clear view in the intro and restate it in the end.
grammar
Check small grammar and spelling errors to raise accuracy.
structure
Begin each paragraph with a clear sentence about its main idea.
structure
A clear plan with intro, body and conclusion.
content
It writes about both causes and ways to help.
content
There are some good examples and details in places.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial necessity
  • Tuition
  • Living costs
  • Employability
  • Work experience
  • Under pressure
  • Mismanagement
  • Time-management
  • Academic pursuits
  • Flexible part-time study
  • Financial aid
  • Scholarships
  • Bursaries
  • Collaboration
  • Integrated programs
  • Education
  • Work-life balance
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