IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that money makes life comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more troubles. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?

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Many humans think that cash
turn
Change the verb form
turns
show examples
 life convenient. The rest
argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
show examples
 that being rich can cause more problems. I believe there are more benefits than the drawbacks. When people have a lot of
money
Use synonyms
, they can buy things which they want, but sometimes it is dangerous
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because thefts can rob them
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, everyone desires to be wealthy and they work so hard
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 earn so much during their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
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. Because each person has
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own
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 goals for
better
Add an article
a better
the better
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 lifestyle,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it costs more
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
report
Add an article
a report
the report
show examples
 by Cambridge University in 2023, 80% of college students work
part-time
Add an article
a part-time
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, because they need finance for expensive stuff,
such
Linking Words
 as
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
academic books, fun
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 and electronic devices and their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 can not afford those. In comparison, carrying a number of cash is not safe enough. There are a lot of robbers outside,
therefore
Linking Words
 they can steal
possessions
Correct article usage
the possessions
show examples
 of citizens like paper
money
Use synonyms
 and luxury watches,
while
Linking Words
 they walk through
street
Add an article
the street
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, based on research by the government of
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 in 2020, victims of robbery are mainly wealthy residents by 70%,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 the chance of being robbed
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 less for the poor. In conclusion, it feels more
pleasured
Replace the word
pleasurable
show examples
 when society
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 enough
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
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 commodities and items.
In contrast
Linking Words
, having a large amount of currency can cause some troubles outside. As far as I
concerned
Add a missing verb
am concerned
show examples
, the positive aspects of
this
Linking Words
 topic
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the downsides. If the community are more responsible,
then
Linking Words
 no one can steal from them.

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task achievement
Your essay covers the main task requirements. To improve further, try to elaborate more on both the advantages and disadvantages of having money. Expanding on the possible drawbacks can provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally easy to follow, work on improving the logical progression of ideas. You can achieve this by using more linking words and ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarises your main argument.
task achievement
You used a relevant example from a Cambridge University report to support your argument, which strengthens your essay.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • assets
  • investment
  • quality of life
  • employment opportunities
  • healthcare
  • freedom
  • philanthropic activities
  • stress and anxiety
  • financial status
  • trust issues
  • jealousy
  • privacy
  • scrutiny
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