IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people are being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years, technological advancements
has
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have
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 been drastically increased and
being
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are being
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 used to monitor
people
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people's
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 activities.
In particular
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, technologies like GPS
tracker
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trackers
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, Traffic
cameras
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 and hidden video
recorder
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recorders
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 are used to detect crimes.
Moreover
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,
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health
Correct article usage
a health
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 tracker with sensors gives
data
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 about
Correct article usage
a persons
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persons
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person's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 which, is useful in
early
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the early
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 detection and treatment of certain diseases. At the same time, these innovations pose threats like
data
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 theft and monitoring without
owners
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owners'
owner's
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 consent. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss why
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 outweigh the disadvantages. On the positive side, most of the serious crimes are declined by half using GPS tractors and spy
cameras
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.
Moreover
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, video recording
cameras
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 are installed in every traffic
junctions
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junction
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 and
crime prone
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crime-prone
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areas
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area
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
monitor
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to monitor
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 and detect robbery, murders and chain snatching. Most importantly, it is used as
an evidence
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evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
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 to imprison the
law breakers
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lawbreakers
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. On the other side,
health
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 trackers in
smart phones
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smartphones
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helps
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help
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 to monitor the heart rate and oxygen saturation which, helps in
early
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the early
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 diagnosis of certain medical conditions.
For instance
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, apple watches
has
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have
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 heart rate and electrocardiogram
sensor
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sensors
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 that send alert signals to friends and family members when the individual met with an accident or
collapsed
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collapses
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due to
Linking Words
heart
Correct article usage
a heart
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 attack. On the negative side, every time when someone
install
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installs
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 mobile applications, it collects personal
data
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 from the mobile and stores it. Sometimes, it can be hacked and used for
blackmailing
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blackmail
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.
In addition
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 to that, some
application
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applications
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 might sell
the
Correct article usage
apply
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personal information to third parties like credit card
seller
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sellers
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 or insurance
company
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companies
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.
However
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,
data
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 theft
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 very common and leads to unwanted calls and messages for scamming. So, nothing is personal when it comes to using technologies because everything might be hacked.
For example
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,
truecaller
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the truecaller
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 application collects
datas
Correct your spelling
data
while
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 installing and
sells
Wrong verb form
selling
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 to various organizations. In conclusion, even though there are some risks in using technologies like cell phones and
cameras
Use synonyms
 for tracking, its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Tracking
health
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 is beneficial for most people and
cameras
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 used by police
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 in detecting crimes. So, with proper regulations and protections like antivirus, these devices
serves
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serve
show examples
great
Add an article
a great
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 purpose.

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language
Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as "advancements have been" instead of "advancements has been."
coherence
Define clearer transitions between paragraphs to strengthen coherence and aid reader understanding.
task response
Elaborate more on points such as the ethical implications of monitoring without consent to fully address the task.
task response
Effective use of examples like traffic cameras and health trackers provides clarity to the arguments.
coherence
The essay follows a clear introduction-body-conclusion structure, which makes it easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Surveillance
  • 2. Monitoring
  • 3. Cell phone tracking
  • 4. Security cameras
  • 5. Public safety
  • 6. Law enforcement
  • 7. Privacy concerns
  • 8. Personal freedom
  • 9. Autonomous
  • 10. Breach of trust
  • 11. Misuse of information
  • 12. Institutional integrity
  • 13. Psychological impact
  • 14. Mental well-being
  • 15. Societal trust
  • 16. Paranoia
  • 17. Transparency
  • 18. Stringent regulations
  • 19. Criminal deterrence
  • 20. Apprehension of criminals
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