IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people support the development of agriculture, like factory farming and the scientific creation of fruits and vegetables, while others oppose.

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A group of people believe that scientific
approaches
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 and advanced
technology
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 in agriculture activities
brings
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bring
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 a lot of benefits for societies,
while
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 others still maintain traditional
ways
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. Both views have their own advantages and disadvantages, and the following essay will discuss in
details
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detail
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, but in my personal opinion, I do believe that the old-fashioned
ways
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 are better.
To begin
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 with, many farmers are using
technology
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 and scientific
approaches
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 to managing their farms these days. They believe that
by
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apply
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using
technology
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such
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 as tractors and dozers or using advanced chemical fertiliser,
it
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apply
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will increase their productivity.
However
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, many people do not realise that the usage of these advanced technological
approaches
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 has some side effects.
For example
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, many fruits and vegetables that use pesticides have caused allergic diseases in human beings. And
then
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, the
over usage
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overuse
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 of pesticides in farming has made pests
became
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become
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 more immune and made the ecosystem
became
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apply
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imbalanced.
On the other hand
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, some farmers are still using the old-fashioned
ways
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. They manage their plantations using traditional tools
such
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 as
using
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apply
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cows, horses and traditional carts. And they prefer to use natural seeds, rather than using special seeds, which
was
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were
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 created by scientists.
Although
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 the productivity of these farms is definitely lower, they generate healthier foods for mankind.
As a result
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, many people prefer to purchase organic fruits and vegetables nowadays, as they realise that
qualities
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the qualities
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 of these organic foods are better than the industrialised ones. In conclusion, it is a fact that some farmers are in favour of using advanced
technology
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 and scientific
approaches
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 in handling their farms,
while
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 others still use the traditional
ways
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. Both
approaches
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 have their own benefits and drawbacks, but in my opinion, traditional
ways
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 are still better than the modern
one
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ones
show examples
, as organic foods are healthier for consumption.

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task achievement
Although you've presented both perspectives, your argument for traditional methods being better needs more depth. Examine specific reasons why traditional agriculture is advantageous beyond just being 'healthier'.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your points are generally clear, but consider developing your ideas further for a more comprehensive understanding and analysis. Explain how the negative effects you mention actually happen and influence societies.
relevant specific examples
Make sure your examples are more specific and directly tied to your main points. Try to enhance the argument by adding examples from studies or cases if applicable.
logical structure
Ensure a smoother flow between your ideas and sections. Consider using more linking words to enhance the connection from one point to another.
introduction conclusion present
Consider offering a more balanced conclusion that acknowledges the complex nature of the issue while still defending your position.
supported main points
Expand on the environmental and economic angles of both traditional and modern methods to provide a more rounded argument.
task achievement
You've made a thoughtful attempt to discuss both sides of the debate, showcasing a balanced point of view.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion clearly frame and encapsulate the topic and your stance.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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