IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Topic: In many countries, too much money is spent by government and individuals for national holidays such as New Year and religious festivals. Do you agree or disagree?

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National and international
holidays
Use synonyms
are involving
Wrong verb form
involve
show examples
 significant
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 by both
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 and individuals in many countries. I
pursely
Correct your spelling
purely
purposely
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion, but in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 these costs are not economically beneficial. A large amount of money is spent not only by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 by human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 for the celebration of international
holidays
Use synonyms
 and religious festivals. Most of these expenses are allocated to holiday decorations and events, aimed
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 making the celebration more enjoyable.
This
Linking Words
 is intended to increase people's excitement and
also
Linking Words
 holiday events give an opportunity to reunite with family and friends.
Therefore
Linking Words
, limiting expenses can cause to weaken cultural traditions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in some countries spending on
holidays
Use synonyms
 and festivals is excessive. Governments distribute large budgets for gatherings
instead
Linking Words
 of providing basic public services
such
Linking Words
 as hospitals and schools.
Similarly
Linking Words
, some people may overspend on celebrations by buying expensive gifts or
being host
Wrong verb form
hosting
show examples
 grand feasts. Excessive overspending during
holidays
Use synonyms
 can lead to financial strain.
Thus
Linking Words
, both the public and the authorities should avoid unnecessary expenses. In conclusion, it is true that international
holidays
Use synonyms
 and religious festivals play a
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 role in preserving cultural heritage. Plus, celebrating
holidays
Use synonyms
 with a properly allocated budget is still enjoyable. By striking
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 balance, governments and citizens can preserve their traditions and boost their economies, without any financial strains and debts.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear introductory sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader. You have presented your points well but could improve the flow between them.
task achievement
Try to expand on examples to demonstrate your understanding. For instance, you could elaborate on specific cultural traditions or economic impacts.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your argument comprehensively.
task achievement
You have covered the prompt well, addressing both government and individual spending.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transitional phrases helps guide the reader through your line of reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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