Topic: In many countries, too much money is spent by government and individuals for national holidays such as New Year and religious festivals. Do you agree or disagree?

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National and international

holidays

Use synonyms

are involving

Wrong verb form

involve

show examples

significant

spendings

Fix the agreement mistake

spending

show examples

by both

government

Fix the agreement mistake

governments

show examples

and individuals in many countries. I

pursely

Correct your spelling

purely

purposely

agree with

this

Linking Words

opinion, but in some

cases

Add a comma

cases,

show examples

these costs are not economically beneficial. A large amount of money is spent not only by

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

by human

being

Fix the agreement mistake

beings

show examples

for the celebration of international

holidays

Use synonyms

and religious festivals. Most of these expenses are allocated to holiday decorations and events, aimed

Change preposition

show examples

making the celebration more enjoyable.

This

Linking Words

is intended to increase people's excitement and

also

Linking Words

holiday events give an opportunity to reunite with family and friends.

Therefore

Linking Words

, limiting expenses can cause to weaken cultural traditions.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, in some countries spending on

holidays

Use synonyms

and festivals is excessive. Governments distribute large budgets for gatherings

instead

Linking Words

of providing basic public services

such

Linking Words

as hospitals and schools.

Similarly

Linking Words

, some people may overspend on celebrations by buying expensive gifts or

being host

Wrong verb form

hosting

show examples

grand feasts. Excessive overspending during

holidays

Use synonyms

can lead to financial strain.

Thus

Linking Words

, both the public and the authorities should avoid unnecessary expenses. In conclusion, it is true that international

holidays

Use synonyms

and religious festivals play a

crusial

Correct your spelling

crucial

role in preserving cultural heritage. Plus, celebrating

holidays

Use synonyms

with a properly allocated budget is still enjoyable. By striking

these

Correct determiner usage

this

show examples

balance, governments and citizens can preserve their traditions and boost their economies, without any financial strains and debts.

makemoneyizzy16Wed Jan 29 2025

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coherence cohesion

Ensure clear introductory sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader. You have presented your points well but could improve the flow between them.

task achievement

Try to expand on examples to demonstrate your understanding. For instance, you could elaborate on specific cultural traditions or economic impacts.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your argument comprehensively.

task achievement

You have covered the prompt well, addressing both government and individual spending.

coherence cohesion

Good use of transitional phrases helps guide the reader through your line of reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

222 words

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Topic: In many countries, too much money is spent by government and individuals for national holidays such as New Year and religious festivals. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some peole think the government should focus on improving the economy of the country. Other people think that government should focus on social services such as health and education programs. Which statement do you agree with? Explain and provide examples to support your opinion.

These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development?

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important that the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?