IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The following table shows the number of factory wrokers for a given time period in Germany. Report the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The following table shows the number of factory wrokers for a given time period in Germany. Report the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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This
Linking Words
 table illustrates the figures for
both
Use synonyms
 male and female work's participation in labour
as well as
Linking Words
 the
companies
Change noun form
company's
companies'
show examples
 numbers between 1851 and 1901 in Germany.
Overall
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
 the numbers of
workers'
Change noun form
workers
show examples
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
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,
while
Linking Words
 the amount of factories increased. Looking at the data in greater detail, the biggest gap was between the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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 for males, especially over the first
ten year
Add a hyphen
ten-year
show examples
 period. It had a striking descent. It dropped by almost over
than
Change preposition
apply
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100,000. After 1861, the numbers declined more steadily until 1901. Male employees became approximately the half number
of
Change preposition
in
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 1891. Meanwhile, women had more stable figures.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning, it decreased by 30,000 until 1861. The following years had
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 moderate descent.
In contrast
Linking Words
, plants that had been built over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time increased sharply. It climbed almost triple
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its start point.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it had fluctuations as well. In summary,
both
Use synonyms
 genders faced
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
downward trends.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 was not the case for plants. Companies
both
Use synonyms
 experienced upward trends and
decrease
Fix the agreement mistake
decreases
show examples
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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