IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.

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In many nations, owning a home is considered more important than renting.
This
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 is particularly beneficial for
families
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 with
children
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.
However
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, for individuals with low-income jobs, purchasing a home can be a difficult and unattainable goal. It can be difficult for
families
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 with
children
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 to live in a rented apartment.
Moreover
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,
children
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 should be raised in
comfortable
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a comfortable
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 environment. Owning a flat offers various benefits for
children
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’s future. If a family has an infant aged 1-2 , the financial
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 will likely fall on one person, as the other will need to stay home to care
after
Change preposition
for
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 the baby.
For example
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, in Germany, the number of individuals owning an apartment has increased over the years, with 60% being
families
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 with
children
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.
On the other hand
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, people with
low paying
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low-paying
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 jobs often struggle to afford rent. Even though they work hard, it can still take more than ten years to earn enough money to buy a flat.
For instance
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, in Australia , 30% of citizens aged 25-35 live in leased properties,
while
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 those aged 45-65 are more likely to be homeowners. In
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
while
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 owning a house provides stability and
long term
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long-term
show examples
 benefits for
families
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 with
children
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, financial challenges make it difficult for many people, especially those with low incomes.

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task achievement
Ensure all ideas are fully developed for a comprehensive understanding.
other
Revise for minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, such as 'responsibility' and 'conclusion'.
organization
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the topic.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as statistics from Germany and Australia, which help illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow with distinct paragraphs focusing on different aspects of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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