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Writing Samples
Band 6

Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Website. Do you agree or disagree?

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As
 a result of globalization, teachers find difficulties in giving education to
pupils
Use synonyms
 because of the function of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
. I really agree with
this
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 incident for the following reasons. On the one hand, there are some benefits which
pupils
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 can gain from mobile
phones
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,
such
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 as more sources for better education.
Moreover
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,
gadgets
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 help
students
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 widen their horizons by browsing the internet and finding better sources from other countries,
consequently
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,
students
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 can learn some cultures and languages.
Furthermore
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, when
students
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 have some homework from school they can submit the tasks
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
gadgets
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.
This
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 fact should be very popular in developing countries,
for instance
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, the United Kingdom and South Korea.
Therefore
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, submitting the tasks via the Internet could reduce the use of paper.
On the other hand
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, some negative things can affect
students
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 in some aspects.
Firstly
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, teachers find
pupils
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 focus on
gadgets
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 very often rather than their subject in the class.
However
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, some schools have policies to prevent
pupils
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 bring mobile
phones
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, but they still bring them for some reasons,
such
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 as, to do their tasks in the school.
Secondly
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, because the
students
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 really enjoy playing games online, sometimes they forget about the time and enjoy gaming until midnight.
As a result
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, teachers find them feel sleepy in class and the cognitive skills of
pupils
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 reduce slightly because of
this
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 phenomenon.
To sum up
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,
besides
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 the merits of the functions of mobile
phones
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, nowadays
pupils
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 get some drawbacks from the developing technologies.
This
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 phenomenon has negative effects,
as a result
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,
students
Use synonyms
 become more focused on social media and games from
gadgets
Use synonyms
 rather than on the subjects in their schools.

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vocabulary
Try to enhance the variety and precision of your vocabulary to clearly communicate your ideas, especially when discussing pros and cons.
evidence
Provide more detailed examples to support your points, illustrating both positive and negative aspects of phones in education.
structure
You have a clear introduction and a concise conclusion, which help frame your argument effectively.
balance
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view on the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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